There are days that I want you so much that the thought of going our separate ways brings me a day of darkness until we can reconnect. There are days I don’t want to say goodbye because it’s going to be too long before I see you again and my heart loves to torture me while it aches for your touch. There are days I feel like my world would collapse without you by my side.
I want you in my life, without a doubt. But as much as I might want you, I know I don’t need you.
There are days that the thought of losing you would feel like my world is crumbling down on me, but I know I’d be able to stand again on my own.
As vulnerable as I allow myself to be around you, I know that in this modern day dating era we live in that you could leave at anytime. I might pour my heart out to you, but as much as I confess my love, I’m still slightly guarded at the same time. I hate it, but I can’t help it.
There will always be a part of me that fears you leaving and I can’t control that because everyone I’ve ever loved in my life has left.
Everyone always leaves, so what makes you any different?
I want to believe you’ll stay, I want to believe that you won’t leave when things get complicated or tough, but honestly will you?
Will you stay when things get shaky and it feels like we were just hit with our own personal hurricane? Will you stay when we fight or will you walk away because you don’t want to deal with it?
I want you to stay, but I don’t need you to stay.
I don’t need anyone who doesn’t want to be here, I’ve dealt with heartbreak and loss before and if you leave you’ll just be another name to add to the list.
I’ll never try to push you away because you’ve proven to me that you’re here now and that you care. You’ve proven to me that you can stick around when things are going well, but what about when things aren’t going so well? Will you still be there?
As much as I want you, there will still be doubt in my mind. There will still be a little voice in the back of my head reminding me that tomorrow this could all be over, so I tell myself I don’t need you.
I tell myself to remain strong and not let myself become reliant on you, I tell myself I can want you all I want, but no matter what I don’t need you because if I lose my independence and become dependent on you then if you leave I’m screwed.
I’ll still wake up happily nestled in your arms; I’ll still give you all the love in my heart and appreciate everything you do for me because I do want you. You make me happy and because of that I’ll always cherish you, even if things do make a turn for the worst.
There is no denying that I want you, but I don’t need you and if you left somehow I’d still manage to be fine without you, even through the time it takes to get over you.