You’re allowed to give your heart to someone, to find a comfort in them and allow them to feel like home. You’re allowed to feel like you found a piece of yourself you didn’t know was missing until you found them. You’re allowed to fall deeply and completely in love with someone. You’re allowed to love fearlessly and honestly. In fact, I encourage it.
Love someone with every fiber in your, let your heartthrob when they walk through the front door at the end of the day. Love them so much you can’t stop thinking about them, love them so much you miss them before they’re even gone, love them so much you do kind things for them, not out of obligation, but out of love.
And then when they break your heart for the first time, be careful.
When they break your heart for the first time they’ll apologize, they’ll say they will never do it again, they tell you they need you and they can’t live without you. They’ll tell you it was an accident and that they love you, so much.
When they break your heart the first time you’ll feel betrayed, you’ll feel like the person you’ve been giving everything to just ripped your heart out of your chest and stomped on it right in front of you. You’ll feel like they kicked you in the stomach and you can barely breathe, you’ll feel a deep pain and sorrow inside yourself that you can’t escape.
Maybe after a day or a few weeks you’ll want to go back because more than you don’t want it to end, you don’t want it to end this way. You don’t want there to be this awful tension between you and you don’t want to be left with a filthy taste in your mouth from the person you love. And after a while you give in, you start to think it was just a mistake and they won’t do it again. You want to believe them because you love them, so you give them a second chance.
You open your arms back up, but this time not as wide. You have something to hang over their head, even though you don’t like to think of it that way, but it makes you lose trust in them. You wish you could forget and everything could go back to the way they were before, but you can’t.
For a while they’re putting in more effort, making you realize they’re committed and it was worth it to stay together. But only for the beginning because after a while things go back to the way they used to be. You might fight more than normal because your trust is more shallow this time around.
Sooner or later they will hurt you again, you feel the same pain and you wish you never went back.
Your heart is shattered all over the floor again and this time you realize this has to be the last time. You can’t go back again.
The first time wasn’t an accident and the second time proves there will be a third time and a forth time, but you can’t allow that to happen.
You can’t give your heart back to someone who broke you in this way. You can’t allow someone to hurt you this way again. You have to walk away. I know it’s painful and I know how much it has to be hurting you, but you can’t put yourself through this pain a third time.
I know you loved them so deeply and you never imagined they could inflict this pain on you, but they did. You can’t go back after a second time of hurt, you can’t allow them to power to be responsible for a third heart break, it’s not a risk you can take.
Going back when you swore you wouldn’t will only hurt you. It will show them they can keep messing up time after time and you’ll keep letting them back into your life with enough convincing apologizes.
I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt this way, you don’t deserve it after giving someone all your love and affection, after being honest and open. You don’t deserve your heart broken twice by the same person and you surely can’t allow them the power to break it a third time. That’s when you have to pick yourself up and walk the other way.
It might seem difficult now, but you can’t blame yourself for their mistakes. One day you will wake up and the pain won’t be as heavy anymore, you will be able to breathe again and you will realize you are living just fine without them. You will realize you’re doing just fine on your own and you’ll be happy you walked away when you did.
Please, don’t hand them your precious heart a third time; it might be hard now, but you’ll be better in the long run.