I want to be able to open my arms as wide as they go to wrap them with confidence around you. I want to have faith and trust in you to know you will stand by my side through thick and thin. I want to believe every word you tell me and more than that I want to believe I’m the only one hearing those words.

I want to go to sleep comforted by you and wake up sure of the day. I want to learn your body and pick at your brain. I want to make plans together and have things to look forward to with you.

I want to do this with you, I really do.

But what do I do if you leave?

What do I do if I open my heart up wide open without any hesitation and you leave?

I’m not ready for another heartbreak.

I don’t think anyone is ever ready for a heartbreak.

I want to be able to open my arms without reluctance, I want to open up to you and spill my secrets. I want to trust you that you mean the words you let roll off your tongue. I want to trust you and I want to trust that you won’t leave.

But what do I do if you leave?

I’m scared, I’m so terribly scared to have you break my heart after all the time I spent loving it and mending the previously broken pieces back together. I don’t want to place it in your hands carefully just to have you be reckless and drop it then watch it shatter all over the floor.

So, I will love you with hesitation, maybe only for a couple weeks or maybe for a couple months. I will guard my heart at the beginning because I’ve been the only one protecting it for so long. I’ve been the only one caring for it and working on making it stronger.

If my heart breaks I’ll be the one who is left alone to heal the broken pieces, again.

I want to be able to love you, but what happens if I do?

What happens if I spend all this time confiding in you, getting to know you and letting you get to know me? What happens if we start doing everything together and making memories? What happens if you become the better half of me and I get comfortable sleeping in your arms?

Then what if you just decide that I’m not what you’re after? What if someone better comes along? What if you decide I have too much baggage or that you can’t imagine spending another day with me and you leave?

I don’t know how to handle that, I don’t want to handle that.

I want to open my heart to you and believe me when I say I’m trying, it just might take me longer. I’m so used to guarding my own heart and taking care of myself that I’m taking my time opening it up to you because what do I do if you leave?

I’m so used to everyone leaving, the only thing scarier than figuring out what to do if you leave is to figure out what to do if you actually stay.

I promise I’ll love you if you promise to stay.