There are a lot of things I wish I could say to you. A lot of words I would have tried to use to hurt you because you hurt me, but I could never get them out of my mouth.
I stayed silent, I said, “okay, if that’s what you want.”
I let you go because I figured if you wanted me than you would come back, you would have realized you made a mistake, but you never came back. I’m still the one who tries to reach out, if anything. I stay hopeful and I always try to think the best of people even after the hurt me, because I think maybe just maybe they’ll realize I was the one who got away. Maybe, just maybe, I’d be the one they realize they missed the opportunity to love, but it hasn’t happened yet.
I’m still alone and they’re still doing their own thing. That’s the hard part, no one comes back, no one ever comes back and if they do make an attempt to come back they never own up for walking away. They never own up for not giving us a chance, they just send a Snapchat or they favorite some tweets. They do subtle things to grab my attention and it works, but I won’t go back.
Then you came along, a straight shooter, you were never about the bullshit.
You were honest and you didn’t care if it hurt me to know the truth because you figured it was better to know what’s going on than pretend that everything is okay. You always thought that made more sense, to be up front than to hurt someone from behind and as painful as that felt at the time, I’m forever grateful for that. I’m so thankful that you were honest with me, even though it hurt.
With you I didn’t have to sit around questioning where I went wrong. I didn’t have to wonder if it was all the words I said or maybe all the words I didn’t say. I didn’t wonder if you found someone else to occupy your spare time and I was old news. I normally just wondered, my mind filled with questions I never got the answers to. But you eased the pain, you cushioned the blow, you told me what was up and you gave me the reassurance that I needed.
When you told me you weren’t ready, that there was still someone else lingering in your mind I was happy almost, I felt relief. I felt like as much as it hurt me to hear, I was happy. I wished you the best, I thanked you for your honest and I let you go. I didn’t beat myself up for what I could have done better. I didn’t torment myself with questions of where I went wrong. I simply understood I had to let you go because if I kept clinging on it would have only made you resent me.
Thank you for rejecting me. It might have hurt, but it didn’t hurt as much as silence. It didn’t hurt as much as staring at my phone with a lump in my throat wondering why I haven’t heard back from him. It didn’t hurt as much as getting ignored and feeling used to ease a time of loneliness for someone.
Rejection hurts, but it feels a hell of a lot better than silence does.
Thank you for your honesty, that right there proves you cared enough about me and makes me feel like it wasn’t all a waste.