As much as it pains me and yanks violently at my heart, I’ve finally come to terms with it because that’s all I can do.
It feels like a giant pill lodged in my throat and no matter how hard I swallow I can’t get rid of the feeling, until it’s ready to go away itself. It feels like I’m sitting on the dark side of a brand new one-way mirror that I can’t get through. So misleading and deceptive because I can see you so clearly on the other side, but you can’t see me. I can’t touch you. I can’t talk to you and as much as I want you to see how much I ache for you, you can’t and I don’t think you ever will.
On my side I can see all the endless possibilities of where our lives could lead us, but while I was in front of you the whole time, you couldn’t see me. You couldn’t open your eyes and see what I saw.
And now you have her.
You’re happy with her. She makes you smile and laugh. You talk about her in a way I’ve never heard you talk about anyone. She lights up your world and I can tell you’re happier when she’s around.
You do things for her I’ve never seen you do for anyone and I can tell what you have is real by the way you look at her. I can see the way you miss her as soon as you walk her to the front door. It’s one of those “I’ll miss yous” that chill you to the bone because of the sincerity in your voice.
I tell you I’m happy for you, because I am. I really and truly am.
I’ve accepted that I’m not going to be the one to kiss your sleepy smile in the morning and tell you it’s time to get up for work. I’ve accepted I won’t be the one who gets to call you on your lunch break just to see how your morning went. I’ve accepted I won’t be the one who gets held in your arms at night. I’ve accepted we won’t have a forever and that we probably won’t have much of any type of relationship in the future.
But I finally think I’m okay with it.
I’m okay with it because I want someone to look at me the way you look at her. I want someone to love me with every ache and fiber in their body, like the way you love her. I want to be her to someone. I want to make someone’s bad days better and I’ve finally come to terms that that person isn’t you.
Even though I thought I loved you, you never loved me back. You kept looking until you found the one, and then you did.
Now it’s my turn to be found, to complete someone else’s world and be the reason behind their smile. I don’t want to be behind a one-way mirror, I want to be on the other side of a glass where he can see me for what I really am.
This might be the end of our story, but it’s not the end of mine.
You can’t make someone like you, you can’t force them to see you in a romantic way because I truly believe we don’t choose who we love, but we do get to choose how we love them.
I have to let you go because you love her with all your heart and the only thing I can do is be happy for you. I’m accepting things cannot be the way I had hoped between us.
You might not be my happily ever after, but someone else will be and when that day comes I hope you’re happy for me, too.