I Wanted You But I Don’t Need You (So Don’t Expect Me To Chase You)

laurfant24
laurfant24

I wanted you, in a deep and almost desperate way. I wanted to find out where every scar and scab on your body came from. I wanted to know every story behind your tattoos. I wanted to know what was behind those blue of yours. I wanted to learn of your previous loves and what gets you out bed in the morning. I wanted to know what the future could hold for us, but there is no us, not anymore.

Now there is only you and there is only me. We are separate, again. We fell apart nearly as fast as we fell together.

I don’t need you. I only wanted you. I won’t run to you. I won’t question why you just left. I won’t blow up your phone or come running after you. That’s not me, not anymore at least. If you don’t want me anymore, that’s your choice and I’ll let you go. There is nothing I can say that will make you stay. There is nothing I want to say to change your mind.

You simply made the choice that I wasn’t what you wanted, so you’re free to go now, but you already knew that. I won’t try to stop you.

I do miss you though, I didn’t think it would sting like this, but it does. It still stings and it still burns. I thought maybe it would be painless, after all it feels like we barely knew each other now.

I’ve never woken up by your side, but every time I hear that stupid song you love so much on the radio I think of you. I’ve never cut your hair, but every time I see someone with curly brown hair coming my direction I secretly hope it’s you. I’ve never seen you cry, but I still have to see that annoying heart next to your name to remind me of you every time I get on Snapchat.

There was so much more I wanted to learn from you and about you, so much more I wanted to give you. But there’s no need now, because you decided it was over. It was just enough for you and you walked away.

I wouldn’t give much, but I’d give a little something in order to run my fingers through your curly hair and kiss you on the mouth. I’d give a little something to hear your accent roll off your tongue and to help you plan your future trips that I secretly hoped I could become part of. I’d give a little something to roll on the floor with your dog and eat cheese pizza with you while you laugh telling me how plain that is.

But all those little something I’d give it still wouldn’t be enough because I can’t make you stay and I don’t want to try if I’m not what you want. I’ll never try to make you stay and I’ll never chase after you because I don’t think the right person will have to be chased after.

I may want you, but I sure as hell don’t need you.

I won’t run after you to prove that I’m worth it because to you I wasn’t and that’s all right. So, I’ll let you go, freely and peacefully, and if you come back I can’t promise I’ll be here. TC mark

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