I told myself over and over that I wasn’t going to let myself get attached. I said I would keep my distance because people always leave.
But you were different, or so you seemed.
You were kind, and gentle, and sweet. You didn’t push and you didn’t lie. You were just you, someone who seemed perfectly compatible to me. I guess that is where I went wrong.
I assumed I knew you better than I did. I looked further into your messages and your words than I should have. I began stupidly analyzing the things you said to me and got lost in the expressions on your face.
But all it took was silence from you to realize I was in way too deep.
The silence shouldn’t have hurt and it shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did.
I should have been prepared and I should have been smarter because I should have known this was going to happen looking back at my track record.
If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that people leave, people always leave.
Your silence started killing me slowly until it began to overpower me. It started to make me feel worthless and hopeless. It was another relationship that just ended, vanished, ghosted, whatever term makes you happiest, but it’s gone. All I know is it’s just gone.
Your silence broke me down, it started eating me up. I wanted to question you. I wanted answers and an explanation of what is going through your head, but I didn’t get one. And I didn’t ask for one.
I just let the silence grow between us, each minute and hour and day I trust your memory will fade and soon enough someone new will come along and take your place. It always happens, I always move on.
Maybe one day I’ll learn not to be so trusting and hopeful. I can’t help it, I don’t think it matters how many times my heart is chipped away at with what feels like an ice chisel. I will still see the best in everyone from the very start and every time to this day I’ve ended up disappointed.
That’s my problem. I trust too easily. I am broken often, but not for long. I will always pull myself back together; glue the pieces that start falling apart from feeling worthless and not good enough and I will move on because I have to.
Your silence says a lot more about you than your words ever will.
Your silence says everything I needed to hear and destroyed every ounce of hope I had placed in you. Because as different as I thought you might be, or hoped you might be, it turned out you’re not different from the rest.
I assumed you’d leave sooner or later, but I thought you were better than that to leave without a word. Yet again, I was wrong. I got your message loud and clear in the silence you let grow between us because sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.
You silence broke me down, but it won’t keep me down. After all, we’re all a little broken. I’ll pick up the pieces; mend them back together before I’ll give my heart to the next fool who walks into my life. Your silence might have broke me, but I’ve always been good at fixing what’s broken.