Leaving a place is a strange feeling, especially when that place has become your home. It’s an ache in your heart of all that you will leave behind. It leaves you feeling empty and uncertain. It’s more than just the pain you feel knowing you will miss the people because you already know you will miss them significantly.
It’s hard to accept that they won’t be next to you when you need them, but instead they will be hundreds or thousands of miles away. You won’t be able to feel their touch when you need a hug so desperately when you once again went back to the same person who has broken your heart one too many times. You won’t be able to lay in their bed with them and talk about your day; instead you will have to call them on the phone just to hear their voice. It’s the start of a chapter without them, and that alone is greatly difficult.
As deep as the pain of feeling like you’re losing your best friends and your life you’ve grown to love, it goes deeper than that.
You feel like you’re losing yourself. You don’t know exactly who you will be next or what the road ahead now holds. So you will cling to the person you were and you’ll miss the person you were at that particular time in your life.
You have to accept you can’t stay stagnant forever; you’re always growing, changing, adapting and evolving. There are still greater things you have ahead and the only way to accomplish them is to let go of what’s behind.
If you just graduated college you will miss the feeling of the freedom you felt during that part of your life. You will miss how carefree and fun loving you were. You’ll miss how little responsibilities you actually had in the grand scheme of life. You’ll miss the person you were because in reality you will never be that way again, just like the place will never be the same again.
You can go back to visit your college town, but it will never be the same. You can always walk the halls of your university, but the students you pass will no longer be your classmates. You can peak your head into a classroom, but those professors will no longer be teaching you. You can drive by your old college apartment, but you can’t go inside. You can’t walk through the front door you’ve stepped in so many times because it’s become home to someone else now.
You will never be completely whole again, though. Part of your heart will always be somewhere else, with someone else. There are the pieces of you that will be left behind because you’ve put your whole heart into loving people and places and when you leave, part of your heart will eternally stay.
You’ve left part of yourself in the different parts of your life. You’ve become a different version of the person you’ve left behind. Maybe that is why it is so hard for us to move on sometimes because we’ve left pieces of ourselves behind everywhere we’ve been.
You’ll not only miss the people, but you miss the person you were at that time and the place you grew to love because as a whole it will never be that way again, just like you will never be that way again.