A No-Nonsense Guide To Getting Over Them (For Real This Time)

Thought Catalog Instagram
Thought Catalog Instagram

It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing that there are some people you are destined to meet, but not to keep. If only life could whip up a perfect formula for getting over a loss, then boy, everything would be so easy.

It’s both depressing and liberating, really – to realize that someone’s chapter in your life has come to an end. Unfortunately for most, the liberating part seems a long way down the road.

Some days you find the sadness crashing down like a huge wave, while other days it slowly seeps in your veins throughout the course of the day. No matter how many times you try to push sadness to the little corner in the backside of your brain, she unexpectedly shows up when she’s not dealt with. She will resurface time and time again when she isn’t handled with courage – and that’s okay.

You’re not obligated to be strong all the time and real strength is when one is true to how they feel. Looking back at my past relationships, I’ve realized that getting over someone is more complex than just erasing them from your thoughts. It has always been a tedious task that needs to be taken day by day and what matters is the work we do in increments.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to wake up in the middle of the night and have silent conversations with your ceiling. It’s okay to miss them and wonder if they’re sleeping peacefully right now or if they’re thinking about you, too. It’s alright to question whether or not you’re genuinely happy or if you are where you should be. It’s normal.

It’s okay to be sad about the fact that that they’re existing in this world, but without you. They’re someplace else, doing what they normally do, but without you involved. You’re not the first person they call when they receive good news, when they are irritated at an irrational boss, or when they have an argument with a family member.

Your opinion won’t be the most important one anymore and if this makes you sad, so be it. Again, it’s normal. Getting over these things takes time and it is okay to move through the pain at your own pace. It’s not a race and you’re not competing with anyone – most especially, not with them.

Dealing with loss is a series of processes and it’s paramount to remind yourself that whatever you’re going through is normal and temporary. Do you know what else is normal? Having days where you wake up feeling perfectly fine. Not a single sad bone in your body, no negative thoughts, and you’re somehow feeling on top of the world. Things are going your way and today, you are feeling great. You’re living in the present, unfazed by thoughts of your past and hopes of the future. At this very moment, you are okay. And this is what matters – that day by day, step by step, you progress towards happiness.

Progress is defined as the process of improving or developing something over a period of time. That in itself means that it doesn’t happen overnight and that it doesn’t happen quickly. The sooner you accept that healing takes time, the better. No amount of fillers can cover up a loss and the only way out is through it.

Although I hate saying that good things fall apart so that better things can fall into place, the universe has always proven that quote to be true. All of those times when I felt like it was the end of the world and that I could never get through such an earth-shattering pain, magically, I managed and a string of better opportunities came along.

You attract what you need at the right time of your life and you get rid of what no longer serves you – no exceptions. The key is to be acceptant of sadness, to be kind enough to allow yourself to take things a day at a time, and to be susceptible to change.

I know at this very moment, all you want to do is to forget about that person. But the truth is, you don’t have to. I believe that sadness is one of the most underrated emotions out there and people underestimate its power. Treasure your sadness, because sadness will move you. Sadness alters the way you think, sadness makes you grow, and most importantly, sadness is temporary.

I read a piece one night that said, “Appreciate everything around you, because things will be different in a year,” and this changed my views completely. Instead of looking at your situation as a loss, it is best to look at it as a test of character. Sadness, loneliness, angst – such beautiful, temporary feelings. In hindsight, the relationships I’ve had that got me on the floor crying are the ones that have shaped who I am the most.

It may take a while for you to heal, but you’ll get there. I know your heart is badly bruised at the moment, but she will always recover. Whatever happens, she keeps on going and the world keeps turning. Trust that she will always move forward even if you don’t believe in it right now. You’ve made it another day, and you will make it once more. So remember, when the inevitable sadness comes creeping in, welcome her with open arms and bear in mind that you are okay.

Here you are – fighting, growing, and living despite it all. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog