There is nothing harder than having distance as a cause of a break-up. Yes, there are cheaters, liars, fuckboys, fuckgirls and the like, but all the more reason to get over them ASAP. You can hate a lover who cheated on you or you can get over a flame that has naturally burnt out — but having no choice but to leave a person because you cannot be with them physically is mental anguish.
It is a driver of insanity because there seems to be nothing you can do about it. It is not you, it is not he. This even gets harder because the person I’m talking about is someone I’ve perceived as my soul mate. Everything about him was perfect for me. His cockiness, his sense of humor, the way he moved and the way he lived. It has been such a relief to say that in this life, I have found my clone.
Nonetheless, I’ve known for a fact that I did not need a man to complete me because I was already whole. I know how to value myself and it has been instilled within me that people do not complete each other. Funny thing was, he didn’t complete me; rather he compelled me. Compelled me to become better, compelled me to question and compelled me to take action in life.
People spend their lives walking the Earth in search of their better halves, praying and hoping that they even exist.
Some find them and some don’t. I have, but this melancholic tale starts with us living in different cities, 701 miles apart. Long distance is an art that several cannot master. It’s a balance of loving by choice and not by feeling, of trusting what cannot be seen and constantly reminding yourself of what the person makes you feel when they are right in front of you even if they are not. There are a million tribulations you’ll come across as long distance lovers but nothing haunts us more than the thought of sustainability.
The truth about two lovers in different cities is that it could work for a time, but if you do not find time together to equally compensate time spent apart, then you are bound the exhaust one another. Mastering the art of long distance hinges on the idea of being able to look forward to something together as a couple. You two need to be excited about something long term. Be it a future job in the same city, an internship that brings you closer together or simply moving to the same place at some point. Once that is taken away, sadly, things begin to spiral down and you question what it is you’re still fighting for.
This may seem a bit over-dramatic to some, but for those who have experienced it, they know my words are true. Forced conversations, growing hate for the situation and numbness — this is only the beginning. Whether you are two people meant for each other or not, it must be kept in mind that humans are born to touch. For the lovers out there stuck between a rock and a hard place, a choice must be made. Are you willing to exhaust this relationship right now, forcing to make it work? Or are you willing to cut things off while it’s good, in the hopes that you can be together in the future when the timing is better?
Both equally risky, both equally challenging. People may have different opinions on this, and it varies per situation, but my partner and I have put a lot of thought into it and being the controlling people that we are, we chose the latter. Many have said that saving off someone for the future never works. Why? Because we constantly change and we constantly grow. Who you are today will be different from who you will be next year.
Your idea of love, an ideal life and an ideal partner will change — and who’s to say that you both are still for one another.
Although this may be a universal truth, I still abide by my decision. I’d rather take that risk of letting someone go due to our circumstances than to force things and allow angst to fester within you two due to the situation. Cliché as it may sound, if your soul has been touched by someone once, it can be touched by them again. Rarely in our lives do we come across such beautiful beings, and I am not a believer of exhausting anything beautiful for the sake of in the moment bliss.
I’ve learned to love and appreciate deeply but to also allow myself to let go when the timing isn’t favorable.
“Fight for it”, I’ve been told. “If you love each other, you’ll both find a way”. But how can we? As daunting as it sounds, two people tossed in a depressing situation are bound to turn on each other and that is the last thing you both want. What is a perfect pair if I presently can’t be in front of you to love you? Maybe in time, maybe in another life – But I will never know. I love you and you love me, but as of now, we will not break ourselves to fit one another.