The ultimate relationship killer. The beginning of the end. You justify your snooping by saying it’s harmless, and stuff like “if my S/O isn’t doing anything wrong, he shouldn’t have to hide anything from me.” However, this little “harmless” habit of yours will eventually feed your anxiety and it will cause you to overthink even the littlest of things: his bedtime, his work e-mail, his gas station receipts… Suddenly, you’ve turned into a psycho without even knowing it. Seriously, just stop snooping and trust your partner. Sometimes, our brains manufacture red flags even when they MIGHT not even exist at all.
Fairytales, romantic comedies, fiction novels, and porn (duh) are unrealistic. Stop building fantasies in your head and quietly expecting your boyfriend or girlfriend to fulfill them for you. Do you want them to expect more than you can actually give? There’s a thin line between what you deserve and what you think you deserve. Know the difference. Expect within reasonable bounds.
3. Taking Score
It is inevitable to feel good after giving an amazing gift, or doing a huge favor for your partner. However, you must always bear in mind that whenever you give or do something, that doesn’t mean you’re going to get one in return. Be sincere and quit using a scoreboard in your relationship. In cheesier terms, do it for the loooove. Quit trying to be the better half, and instead, be a better whole.
4. Bringing Up Past Fights
Fighting is absolutely normal. In fact, arguments are essential in healthy relationships as they strengthen your bond with your partner and they help you mature as a couple. What you need to do though, is to fight the right way. Limit your arguments to what’s pissing you off at the moment. Don’t make it about last night’s fight, or that other time when… et cetera, et cetera.
5. Saying You’re Fine When You’re Not
When you’re annoyed, or mad, or sad about something your partner did, tell him/her. There is absolutely no use in keeping it to yourself, especially when he/she has already asked you. You’re just making things dramatic. And then you complain about “being neglected” when you didn’t even give him/her a chance to help out? Communication and honesty are the foundations of a good relationship, and you won’t achieve that if you still have to lie about being fine. No one’s a mind reader.
6. Being Clingy 24/7
Like with all things, moderation is key. Avoid being overly clingy. Give yourselves time to breathe, and time to live without each other. It gives you the freedom to grow and focus on yourself — your needs, goals, family, and friends. Remember that your partner is in love with who you are. Be yourself and not just someone else’s package deal.
This goes for all sorts of comparisons. Comparing your partner with your ex, your best friend, that actor from a romantic comedy, or your childhood crushes — the list could go on. And even when you compare yourself to another person (his ex, maybe?), yep that also counts. You fail to fully appreciate what’s amazing about your relationship because you’re preoccupied with the things you lack. Focus on the good stuff, and really, just dwell on that.
8. Trying to change yourself or your partner
Before you commit to someone, make sure you’re committed to all of him/her. Don’t try to change their style, their career or their beliefs just to suit yours. Once you’ve gotten yourself in a relationship, you must be prepared to accept everything about that person. Otherwise, don’t even start. You’ll just end up frustrated and miserable. You don’t want that, do you?
9. Tweeting about fights
I never understand why people tweet “brokenhearted” crap while they’re still with their boyfriend/girlfriend. If you’re so upset with them, it’s better to say it straight to their face. Why is it necessary to share your private problems on the Internet? It sends bad signals to your family and friends, and there’s a big chance that they’ll end up hating your boyfriend/girlfriend for you. Settle your fights privately, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, for God’s sake just call a friend. Stop making your relationship a dramatic film for everyone’s entertainment. It’s for your own good.
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featured image – Kyle Steed