woman and man

The Truth Is, I Don’t Want Anybody Else

You’re the first thought I have when I wake up and the last thought I have before I go to sleep. You’re the only person I want to be around when I’m down, and you’re the one person who can bring me down the most. You’re one of my best secret keepers, but also the first to use them against me. Sometimes we’re the exact same person, and other days, we’re like oil and water.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

After three years and doing the same thing with no progress, we’re still here. We’re still caught in this “will they, won’t they” stage. When this first started, it was new and exciting. It was a secret amongst our closest friends, and it was thrilling because we didn’t know that much about one another. But now, I know so much more about you (even the embarrassing things you’re too afraid to let anyone else see) and I love you even more for it. I love you through your destruction and terrible decision making.

I want you.

I’ve always wanted you. I haven’t spent these years in limbo running back and forth for no reason. I have been at your side when the world seemed to be falling apart. I have been the one you call when shit hits the fan every single time. I will always be there for you. We get each other. We’ve done some really shady things to one another and said some of the most hateful things, but there’s really only one reason why. We care. We care so much about each other that it’s easier to pretend not to, to go sleep with someone else, and then to argue about it later and pretend those feelings never existed.

Well, they do.

So here’s the tell all to end all. It’s been three years. Let’s see what can happen or finally sever all ties. I’m holding onto you emotionally, even though we’ve never made a commitment to one another, and limiting my chances to be with anyone else. Why? Simply because I don’t want anyone else.

There’s only you. There’s only ever been you.

When we’re together, you make me weak. You make my heart beat so fast it feels as if it’s going to burst out of my chest. The second I lie against you, I feel all of my blood rush to my head. As soon as you put your hands on me, I feel the goosebumps creep in. When you put your hand in my hair, I can’t resist the temptation to bite my lip.

I’m yours. Do you not see that?

About the author
Indiana University. B.A. English. Follow Ashley on Instagram or read more articles from Ashley on Thought Catalog.

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