There are two types of women in this world; the first type is the under emotional and the second type is over emotional. I am the first type, or I was. I have never been one to be super emotional, cry at random things, or even be in tune with my feelings. Some would even say I was heartless.
I now find myself caring about others in a way that isn’t like me. I consider other people’s feelings in a way that I never used too. I wasn’t a dick by any means, but I never thought about other people before I thought of myself. With the exception of my best friend, who is the other type, I have always put myself first. People have always had some unkind things to say about me because I do what I want, when I want, without considering how my actions may affect someone else or multiple persons. I’m not that person anymore.
It happened to me. I’ve always been the same person. Sarcastic as hell, wings almost everything she does, and lives life to the fullest. I’m still that person to an extent. When you lose a parent or have a long relationship end badly, things start coming into perspective a little more. You begin to realize what really matters and what doesn’t, better yet who. Life is a big gigantic stinking mess, but that’s the beauty of it too. You can’t hold onto the thought of making everyone happy, but you can count the moments that change you and how.
I used to be the girl who said whatever she wanted to whomever. I used to be the girl who spent countless nights in the same bars drinking way more than she ever needed too. I used to be the girl waking up in random beds and still making it to work on time. I used to be the girl who didn’t give a shit about anyone’s feelings mostly because I didn’t know how to deal with my own.
I now find myself watching and re-watching ALL of the seasons of Grey’s Anatomy and crying, considering the guy’s feelings the next morning, and thinking about whether or not I should call my Mom and tell her I love her just because. At first, I wasn’t sure how this happened or why and it scared me.
But I get it now. My life experiences have changed me and molded me into the old and the new me and I wouldn’t change that for a second. I’m the me that I’m going to be forever and I’m more happy about who I’ve become more than anything.
If you’re finding yourself a tad emotional or just caught in your feelings, embrace it. It’s a beautiful thing. Sometimes all you need is a good cry to realize that you are okay and what you’re going through is simply temporary.
Your feelings are essential to who you are. Never let someone tell you otherwise. Now go drink that bottle of wine and cry it out.