As I spoke with a friend the other day, she was explaining to me how her first date went with a new guy she met. Everything she said about him from the way he dressed to the way he spoke about his parents was beautiful. For the ten minutes she bragged about him, but at the end of the conversation, she looked down, crossed her arms, and said “but, he is too perfect so there must be something wrong.”
I have seen this occur time and time again with people dating. They love all aspects of the date, but they purposefully find something wrong in order to convince themselves not to stay or perhaps they have not properly healed from a previous relationship. This is the exact scenario from the example in the first paragraph. She thought there must be something wrong and decided she should not stick around, so she ended contact with him.
This is the ultimate dilemma I encounter while advising individuals on how to date because as a believer in fate, there is a reason for meeting someone even if we do not know why. When people say “If we were meant to be, then we will come together again,” they must be reminded fate was kind enough for them to meet once, but it may not be as kind again.
Take a Calculated Chance.
Would you win the jackpot at a casino and turn it down because it is too good to be true? I would guess not, so why are we treating relationships this way? As someone who has been guilty of going on a date and purposely trying to find and focus on negative qualities about my potential future partner, I can say this is because of our own insecurities. We are nervous about what could be, so we abandon the potential of the relationship all together. We see ourselves in such low regard that the possibility of someone else being an excellent partner becomes a far-fetched fantasy.
We must train ourselves to look for people’s strengths, see their beauty all while being careful to consider what they may be hiding. Too often, we will walk into a date already thinking the guy is a douche or player, and this alone will sabotage “what could have been.”
You ARE Worthy.
Every waking moment of everyday we must remind ourselves we are great. In fact, we are each individually so unique that there is no one else exactly like you in the world! Through the burdens each day may bring, it becomes challenging to remember our inner greatness and how much value we bring into the world. Due to this, we must consciously remind ourselves by reading personal development books, surrounding ourselves with positive people (not loser friends) and with positive reinforcement.
It must be engrained into your mind that each day is a new day. There is absolutely no reason for you to be living in yesterday because when this happens, you cannot be present in your current activity. You cannot live.
Do Not Retreat.
We must fight against our urge to retreat when there is a possibility of getting hurt, because how else are we going to grow? You will more than likely meet shithead’s along the way, laugh, be heartbroken, experience euphoric feelings, and cry. However, all these will lead you to meet the person with which you would like to spend the rest of your life. We must go out, be vulnerable, and put our best foot forward because if your current circumstances allowed you to meet a special guy, pursue him and see if it is your fate.