I’m not big on resolutions. I’m not big on any sweeping claims that I’m going to magically Fixer Upper my life and when the clock strikes midnight I’ll appear as a new human with a fresh coat of paint. I will be the same – just a drunker version shoveling enormous handfuls of popcorn into my mouth like a raccoon that just found a full garbage can. A cute raccoon in a shiny dress. But still, definitely a raccoon.
In the weeks and months following 2018’s arrival, I will still fall asleep to repeats of shows I’ve seen hundreds of times. I will still struggle to understand what a budget is and how to implement it. I’ll say I’m gonna cook and end up microwaving a frozen meal and promise to do better the next day. I’m not intending this to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m just honest. I know that real change takes years. And it’s not something that happens just because I made a resolution.
But I’m not a total grinch. I can get behind the introspection resolutions require. And damn, a bitch been in an introspective mood!!!
So here are some realistic resolutions I’m trying for in 2018.
1. I will go to sleep before texting an ex back. I can address the situation in the morning after a solid 8 hours of sleep. Plus, it’s lowkey a power move.
2. I’ll eat one vegetable a day. Maybe two. Three if I’m feeling spicy.
3. I won’t waste my time stalking my former boss on social media to see if she is happy or just LOOKS happy.
4. I also will stop trying to assess if people on Instagram are fake smiling or genuine smiling. Like, who the fuck do I think I am? Some millennial Sherlock? Go home, ME.
5. I will tell the people I admire how much I admire them. And I won’t wait for arbitrary holidays or dates to do so. I’ll just do it when I feel like it. Because we all need to know when we’re appreciated, ya dig?
6. I’m going to see a therapist.
7. I’ll start washing my sheets on a more regular basis (this fact will disgust my boyfriend, whatever I’m trying to be better babe!!!).
8. I will not commit to an intense exercise routine but I will walk to Trader Joe’s when I can instead of driving the 4 minutes.
9. I will take some sexy professional nude(ish) photos because I’m tryna to document myself at 25 while I still can. Even if I felt sexier at 18. I’M NOT 18 AND I NEVER WILL BE, I MUST ACCEPT THIS.
10. I’ll build my savings back up. Ish. I guess. Sorta. Whatever I can, I GUESS.
11. I’ll stop offering to buy groups of people drinks at bars.
12. I will be open to travel even though I pretty much hate traveling.
13. I’ll be grateful for what I have. And remind myself that when I feel like life is a piece of shit.
14. I’ll kiss him as often as I can.
15. I’ll say I love you to anyone I love as often as I can.
16. I’ll volunteer with causes I believe in.
17. I’ll stop assuming everything is going to fall apart. I’ll wait until it actually does.