I Flirt With You Knowing This Will Probably Be A Trainwreck

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I have liked you from a distance for a while and I don’t know how to categorize it.

Normally, I have two distinct modes.

  1. Complete and total disinterest.

And I know, it’s not healthy to be so extreme. Clearly, neither has been a recipe to happiness. I fall into the first camp most of the time. I try to will myself to care, but it doesn’t work. I’ve never been able to fake it. I can’t force something.

And the second? It’s been disastrous. It’s me, irrational and passionate. It’s been Heartbreak City, population me.

But with you, it’s different.

I am fascinated by you. I mentioned your name three times on a weekend with my girlfriends and want to pretend it meant nothing. I want to act like it was just a casual reference. But I know myself too well. I know I only focus when there’s a reason to.

There’s a lot I don’t know about you. There’s plenty I’d probably rather not know.

You aren’t my first thought in the morning. I’m not chomping at the bit. I don’t hear wedding bells in the distance. Hell, I don’t even hear “We made it to 6 months!” bells, or whatever the equivalent is.

Still, I think about you. And I’m excited when I see a text come in from you. I like imagining us naked teasing one another. I like imagining you, a little drunk, giving me a hard time about something.

We are not a romance novel any Taylor Swift fan wants to read. We’re not roses and sweet talk, nothing sugary about what we say to each other.

And that’s exactly how I like it.

It’s why I’m so into the idea of you and me. TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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This is me letting you go

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

At the end of the day, you have two choices in love – one is to accept someone just as they are and the other is to walk away.

We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we’re capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

“Everyone could use a book like this at some point in their life.” – Heather
Let go now
I Flirt With You Knowing This Will Probably Be A Trainwreck is cataloged in , , , , , ,

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