To The Next Guy I Love, I Refuse To Promise You ‘Forever’

 Thought.is
Thought.is

I don’t know where you are right now. And honestly? That’s better. If some magical Genie appeared and offered me a road map to your exact location, I’d pass. And if I’m being really truthful, I’d ask for cash instead. Ya girl’s got bills to pay, babe.

I don’t need to find you right away. I don’t need you to consider myself complete or to experience genuine love and enjoyment in life. Sure, it’s comforting to think you’re out there. It’s a nice thought. And when our paths do cross, I bet I’ll be writing so many terrible poems about how grossly, over-the-moon in love with you I am. Because, fair warning, I write poetry. I know, dude. I know.

When we first fall for one another, we’ll probably be tempted to profess some grand things. My mouth reacts before my brain has a moment to catch up. My heart controls more of me than I like admitting.

In the past, I’ve been told (and also made) some empty promises. The biggest one being this murky, overhyped idea of forever.

At the risk of sounding entirely unromantic, forever is bullshit.

We don’t have forever people. The only REAL forever we’re sure to have is the relationship we have with ourselves.

So, no, I won’t promise to love you forever. I won’t promise to stay the same woman you met. I won’t promise to never change my mind about what I want, my goals, my hopes for the future.

Instead, I’ll love you in the present. I’ll love you in the moment, in the here and now. I might say something like, “Somehow, I love you today even more than yesterday.” And I’ll be telling the truth. I won’t lie just because it sounds pretty.

But I’m not going to say forever.

Forever doesn’t account for life, for all the curves and unexpectedness. Forever doesn’t usually think about tragedy or hardship, or maybe most common, how time can push two people apart without either person being at fault.

Yes, I’m going to have days when I look at you with goofy stars in my eyes and call you my Honey and want to kiss you until the sun explodes. Yes, I can almost guarantee when I’m so consumed with how lucky I feel to be with you, I’ll get a little melodramatic about my love.

But I won’t say forever.

Forever isn’t fair. And more than anything, I want my love to be fair. I want my love to be durable, steady, understanding. I want my love to grow and evolve and always get up willing to try.

Forever is what kids promise. Forever is what you whisper in the backseat before you lose your virginity and don’t know how much more you’re going to eventually learn.

We don’t need forever to know how good we’ve got it. We don’t need forever to appreciate this love. That, I promise. TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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