Stop Waiting For The Guy With A Girlfriend (You’re Just Breaking Your Own Heart)

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Everything was bland and ordinary, a life full of mediocrity.

And then, you met him.

You didn’t think perfection existed like this. He is every schoolgirl fantasy you ever scribbled in your diary, an almost exact replica of what you’ve always told people you want.

He’s it.

You can’t quite believe your luck. You’ve found him. You’ve found him.

Except for one teeeeeny, tiiiiny problem.

He’s got a girlfriend.

Oh.

A slight disruption, you’re still convinced he’s the one for you. You’ve picked out the table cloth you’ll use at your wedding, the song you’ll learn a goofy choreographed dance to.

And even though you can’t explain it, you just KNOW he must be feeling it too. I mean, that way he looks at you? How he smiles? You’re 99.9% sure that’s love. True love. Write a romance novel and then film adaptation type love.

Babe, I’m going to be the voice of reason that you don’t want to hear. I’m here with my honesty pills and my intention is not to shove them down your throat. But I’m going to lay them out on the table. I’ll let you decide if you want to take them.

But you know what? You should. Because I’ve been exactly where you are. I’ve been enamored with a guy who was never a real option. I’ve thought, “I’ll just wait!” as if that’s a good choice.

So, I get it. And I also know the aftermath. The likelihood that he will wake up and miraculously realize that his girlfriend is The Worst and you are the woman of his dreams. I know the waiting turns into more waiting, and more waiting. The ache becomes heavier, obsessive thoughts that only strengthen how much it hurts to see him love someone who isn’t you.

I have felt every damn thing you are feeling right now.

And it isn’t fun. It’s heartbreaking, confusing, desperate. Even the most innocent text becomes a sign of hope. Him waving at you in the hallway is the morsel you cling on to, try to satiate your hunger from it.

When you wait for the guy with the girlfriend, you’re breaking your own heart. You’re allowing yourself to stay in love with a fantasy, and fantasies won’t keep you warm at night. Fantasies don’t kiss you on the cheek or come meet your family.

It’s easy to wait for someone. There’s something comfortable about it. You’re not risking anything. You’re not being vulnerable. You’re just waiting. Hoping. Sitting passively back.

If he has a girlfriend, he’s not for you. I’m sorry. I know you think you could love him better. I know you think if he just gave you a chance, he’d see how meant for each other you are.

You have to stop thinking that way. You have to break that toxic mentality.

Because at the end of the day, when you’re crying and mad at him and his girlfriend and every other person who has told you to move on, you’ll discover an uncomfortable truth.

The only one hurting you is you. TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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