Love Is Supposed To Be Messy

@polina.chydes
@polina.chydes

Love isn’t supposed to be perfect. I mean, that should be common knowledge considering nothing in life is. Things are flawed, complicated, and never exactly how we expect them to be. We’re humans, which means we screw up. It means we try and mean well, but fumble over our humble mistakes.

You know that’s okay, right?

There’s this misconception that love means holding out for perfection. Even though we all claim we know that doesn’t exist. People still cling to it. Like love will somehow be the exception. “Don’t you dare settle!” Wait for magnetism! A kiss that feels like fire and lava and happiness rolled into one. Wait! Wait!

Everyone says love should look like it’s been torn out of a romance novel. That means you never question it. That means you never have doubts. You ride off together on horses into the sunset, or whatever other shitty movie ending you want to substitute.

That’s not how life works. That’s not how love works.

Love is messy. Love is vulnerability, and vulnerability means imperfection. It’s you showing the parts of yourself that aren’t beautiful. It means honesty in the ugliness. It means nights that aren’t romantic. It means nights that are real instead.

Love shouldn’t sound like your favorite pop song. Sometimes, sure. I’m not saying fireworks don’t exist. They damn sure do. But fireworks aren’t the only thing that matters.

Love is waking up with sleep crust in your eyes. Love is accidentally farting during sex or walking around with spinach in your teeth all day and NO ONE TOLD YOU until now. Love is embarrassing stories that people tell at family parties.

Love is choosing to stay in it. Love is putting in the work. Love is saying, “I want you,” even when things are hard and bowing out would be the easier option.

When you find this love, the love that sticks around, it will not always be pretty and something you want to stick on Instagram. It will have frustration and error. It will have arguments and discussions and emotions that aren’t all happy ones.

Love, like any part of life, is meant to be layered.

Stop thinking Nicholas Sparks is writing your love life. Start enjoying the actual human being you’re with instead. It’s so much better that way. I promise, it’s so much more rewarding. TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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