When You Love The Girl Who Lost Her Father

Tony Ciampa
Tony Ciampa

When you love a girl who has lost her father, it’s important to know you cannot fix her. Even if you want to. Your love for her will not be some magical antidote to her pain. You can’t kiss her hard enough. You can’t hold her long enough.

Her hurt will not go away just because you love her.

And I know you mean well. I know you want to keep her safe and heal her heart because she’s the kindest person you’ve ever known. But there’s something you need to understand.

You can’t fix her.

Because there’s nothing to fix.

When you lose someone important, you don’t turn into a broken thing. You aren’t a piece of furniture that has come apart from too much trauma. You aren’t worn out tape that unravels all over the floor. That’s too simplistic. That’s ignoring the layers to grief, to loss, to surviving even when the person you loved more than anything is gone.

So here you are, finding magic in a person who has been through so much. You marvel at her strength. You’re inspired by her courageous heart. And when the tears come, as occasionally they will, you will do everything you can to soothe the ache.

But you can’t. And you need to understand that’s okay.

She doesn’t expect you to be her savior.

She didn’t ask for one. Or maybe she did. But that’s her melancholy talking.

You can’t save someone from missing their father. And you shouldn’t. There is substance in those moments. When she’s hurting, she is remembering. Allow her to grieve. Accept there are some things you will not relate to. Ask what she needs. Provide a shoulder, distraction, an open space to talk.

Let her guide you. Be humble enough to follow her lead. She is the one with the permanent scar. Don’t look for quick ways to make it fade. Just be there instead. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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