I. Do. Not. Get. It. And believe me, I tried. My college roommates were always craving the fake Mexican chain, so I went along. And all I ever got were stomach pains.
To be fair, I’m not a huge fan of spicy stuff so I’m a little biased here. But it seems like everyone and their mother is OBSESSED with this condiment. Maybe my taste buds aren’t as developed, but I can’t get onboard with the obsession. If it makes things a little yummier, cool. That’s dope. But why are you wearing a snapback that says SRIRACHA?
3. Taylor Swift
I’ll belt out “Blank Space” like any other red-blooded American out there, but I’m not going to spend hours searching #TaylorSwift on Tumblr. I don’t dislike the leggy blonde. I think she’s talented and has worked hard to be where she is. But some of you out there would actually take a bullet for her (and ps, bandaids don’t fix bullet holes…) and it’s MIND BLOWING to me. Every now and then I’d love to surf the internet without being slapped in the face with Taylor’s every move. She’s following me and it makes me uncomfortable. Tell her to stop, pls.
Hiking is just walking outside. It isn’t revolutionary.
Sure, I love a good poached egg. But I don’t need to throw a made up word in front before I sit down to eat. And I’m more of a Linner fan, anyway.
6. Full House
Just…why? It’s terrible. I know, I know. HOW RUDE of me, but c’mon. My sister could write better dialogue and she’s nine. Was the cringe-worthy reboot really necessary?
7. Pumpkin Spice Latte
It tastes like sugary garbage. Like you dumpster dived and then spilled a pack of cane sugar on top. No thank you.
8. Having FOMO
Otherwise known as the fear of missing out. It’s the phenomenon of being terrified that you’ll miss a really fun social experience and then feel left out when you see 10 Instagrams pop up documenting the night. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not special if you suffer from FOMO. You’re just a human being.
What…is…it? Sincerely, I’m asking.
Was this just the natural progression from the vampire trend? At least vamps can be sexy. Zombie sex seems like it would just be sloppy.
11. American Horror Story
Listen, I recognize it’s a good show. But it creeps me out and I’m not into it. And I really resent Ryan Murphy for making me a social outcast when all my friends get together to recap episodes.
12. Craft Cocktails
I don’t need my alcohol to be artisanal, but I appreciate the extra effort.
13. Pretending To Not Give A F*ck
Because it’s usually just an act. Um, hey, Big Sean? “You little stupid ass bitch // I ain’t f*cking with you.” Me thinks the fella doth protest too much.
14. Mason Jars
I mean, okay? Nice?
15. Rooftop Parties.
That sounds chilly and like a recipe for mosquito bites. I want to sit inside with a blanket on my lap. JUST LET ME LIVE MY TRUTH.