21 Guaranteed Ways To Find Out The Answer To The ‘What Are We?’ Question

Dating is complicated. You’re expecting another person to…like you…and just…want to spend time with you?? That shit is weird. And it can be confusing to know when it’s time to break out the awkward, “what are we question?” Hook ups? Seeing other people? Skipping towards the aisle together? It’s a good idea to be on the same page. And just asking is laaaame. Here are some fool-proof ways to get your answer without just being honest. Lmao. Honesty.
Aaron Anderson
Aaron Anderson

1. Send them a Snapchat lip syncing the classic hit “All By Myself” by Eric Carmen.

2. Then send a follow up Snapchat with the caption: “Well, am I ;) ;) ;) ???”

3. Next time you’re in bed together, passively aggressively sigh until they ask you what’s wrong. Longingly stare out the window (or just look at the wall if there’s no window nearby) and dramatically whisper, “Nothing…”

4. While they’re sleeping, change their alarm to Taylor Swift’s “Out Of The Woods.”

5. Leave before they wake up and literally wait in the woods for them.

6. Text them photos of wedding dresses with zero explanation.

7. Text them photos of otters holding hands with zero explanation.

8. Text them an artisanal assortment of emojis with zero explanation.

9. Text them photos of Steve Buscemi with zero explanation.

10. Make them a mixtape that is you just saying “boyfriend/girlfriend or nah???” over and over again.

11. Inquire as to whether or not it goes down in the DM.

12. Have your family gently interrogate them.

13. Take them out for coffee. Ask them to order for you to test just how well they know you. If they don’t know exactly how you take your Grande-No-Foam-Extra-Shot-Soy-Vanilla-Latte, KICK THEM TO THE CURB. THEY DON’T LOVE YOU.

14. Amazon Prime them a fruit basket. This isn’t going to tell you anything, it’s just a lovely gesture.

15. Recite them poetry in a dark room. Pay close attention to whether or not they stay.

16. Give their special bits a nickname. See how they react.

17. Ask to move in together.

18. Propose.

19. Tell them Magic Mike XXL is your favorite film of all time. (Shut up, it’s a cinematic classic)

20. Hide from them for 6 months. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or something.

21. Summon up the courage to finally just ask, “Soooo, what are we?” But before they answer, run away. Life is all about mystery, boo. TC mark

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

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