1. Apathetic About Everything Girl
What’s the point of anything? Not only did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you think the entire bed is just wrong. Life is terrible and sucky, and you’re not sure why everything is The Worst. You just know it is. You kind of want to cry, but don’t even have the energy to muster up any salty sadness at the moment.
2. Resentful AF
Why is the sun so bright? Why are there so many cars on the road? Why is the radio playing this STUPID, GOD DAMN TERRIBLE SONG?! Little annoyances that normally slide right off your back are digging their claws in and you need a punching bag. Stat.
3. Emotionally Drained
That dead squirrel you saw on the side of the road really ruined your whole day. What a cute, fluffy life cut short. It’s so tragic. And now the radio is playing Adele, are you kidding me?! You’re so ruined. Those tears you couldn’t produce earlier? They are flowing at a rate that could fix the California drought.
4. Physically Drained
Of course you’re going to be drained, you’ve had some invisible demon stabbing your uterus off and on for the past few hours. You’re thoroughly exhausted and can’t stop fantasizing about a solid siesta.
5. Hot N Cold
You Katy Perry song, you. You can’t make up your mind on how to feel. One second you’re so annoyed with that bitch on Instagram who double tapped your boyfriend’s pic, and the next, you’re looking at photos of her and admiring how totally cool she seems. Maybe you could be best friends. But you hate her. But you don’t. But you hope she burns in a fiery pit, but maybe like, you could hang out before that happens.
6. Hangry Hulk
You suddenly can’t stop eating. You low-key fear you’re harboring a parasite somewhere in your stomach that is sucking all nutrients before you get a chance because nothing makes you full. You’ve already attacked an entire microwavable pizza solo and could easily eat 2-3 more. HULK HUNGRY. HULK ANGRY. HULK HANGRY.
7. Weeping Willow
Not full blown hysterics, but you keep getting sniffly over everything. A commercial. A sweet text message. A normal text message. Literally someone saying, “Hi” to you as you pass by. You just have a lot of feelings and don’t know what to do with them.
8. Incredibly Body Conscious
You are convinced you’ve gained 1,000 pounds within 24 hours. You’re a monster. You’re hideous. You’re unlovable. You’re so bloated that you feel like you’re smuggling a giant balloon under your shirt. WILL YOU ALWAYS BE THIS WAY? IS THIS HOW YOU LOOK NOW? FOREVER???
9. Bitter And Alone
You don’t want to be touched. If you’ve got a significant other, you’ve given them strict instructions to leave you alone because they just don’t understand. If you’re single, you’re somehow still mad at your nonexistent significant other. Like, mad at them for not existing. You are mad at an imaginary person. This is who you are now.
10. Lazy Sloth Woman
You’re never going to do anything ever again. This couch/bed/random comfortable area you’ve settled into is now your whole world. You’re safe here. This is where they’ll find your body one day.