1. “Haven’t you heard? One is the new two.”

2. “There is only one gift you should accept on your first date — diamonds.”

3. “I am waiting for a really strong and meaningful female pig role.”

4. “How far should a girl go on the first date? Tucson. However, if you live in Texas, you can probably go a bit farther.”

5. “Express your feelings all the time unless you’re trying to hide something.”

6. “I am a pig, and as a pig, I have always stood out.”

7. “Many people think money is something to be set aside for a rainy day. But honestly, how much money do you really need for a dozen or so hours of inclement weather?”

8. “Moi has always possessed a charm that is lethal to men.”

9. “The early bird gets the worm – which is what he deserves.”

10. “Style comes in all shapes and sizes. Therefore, the bigger you are, the more style you have.”

11. “This, you see, is my ultimate ambition – to live a simple life with the frog I love.”

12. “You have to be going to a pretty awful place if getting there is half the fun.”

13. “When you are in love with someone you want to be near him all the time except when you are out buying things and charging them to him.”

14. “Smart cooks realize that the easiest cookbook to use is the Yellow Pages and the handiest appliance in the kitchen is the telephone.”

15. “I plan to write more books whenever I can find the appropriate writing attire and color-coordinated pen.”

16. “There is no one on the planet to compare with moi.”

17. “I don’t care what you think of me, unless you think I’m awesome. In which case you are right.”