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Cataloged in Love

How To Honestly Get The Love You Want

We all want to be happy and be loved. Loved by a partner, a friend, family, or a pet. There are women in the world who do not feel the need to have someone in their life to make them happy, and there are women in the world who want someone special in their life. Neither groups of women have to justify why they want what they want and none of them should be judged for choosing their to live their lives the way they do.

One of my friends and I were talking about the frustration many women experience with modern dating. Women read articles about what men want, or what makes them girlfriend or wife material. Nowadays, people treat other people as more disposable. That’s online dating with thousands of prospective options; which is a completely different topic on its own.

People think their first date went well but they never hear back, some people followed ‘the rules’ and some followed ‘their gut’, and it still did not work.

Terms like ghosting and benching have thousands of investigations done on them trying to figure out why people do what they do. I think the problem is not trying to figure out other people but trying to be honest with why we do what we do when faced with such situations.

My wise friend said that she would rather deal with ‘temporary’ heartbreak than put up with someone who does not give her (a woman who respects herself) what she deserves. If you know what you want, do not lower your standards to what a man can give you at that point.

Here is just one example. If you want a man to take you out to dinner but he does not do that and instead texts you at 11 pm to meet for drinks, it’s your decision. Whether you decline that invitation or go for it when both of you are fully aware that initially, you wanted to go out to dinner but now you are okay with almost midnight drinks. What this tells the guy is that to be with someone, you are willing to compromise with your own standards.

If someone is willing to change what they want for what is available, it may show flexibility but it can also show that you do not hold on to your principles. Because one, a man who wants to treat you like a queen will not just limit you to late night drinks. And that is when you have to decide how you want to be treated moving forward. Would you rather decline the invitation knowing you might stay home alone doing not much or make yourself available for what he is willing to give? If you show you don’t care what you get, why would he?

I am not saying to expect every man to put you on a pedestal but every man who sees you as a 2 am booty call has the potential of seeing another woman as a goddess who is fully aware (and makes it known) of how she wants to be treated. And that will be the woman that he is taking out to dinner at 7 pm. Men are willing to put in work when they see someone worth their time and effort. It is more important to respect yourself than lower your standards to what is available at the time.

If you are not looking for anything more than a hookup, this is not an issue but if you want more do not give all you have and be disappointed when he does not give you what you asked for (because he will make it pretty clear from the beginning). No guy will work more for someone who makes herself so readily available and then gets upset when she clearly knew what she was getting into.

Love is precious so wait for someone who is willing to give you what you want. Your heart is pure and sometimes our need to be loved is so strong that it makes us blind to logic. Women think they are being sweet when they are, but their actions can be misunderstood and they can come across as someone who does not even know what they want and will take what is given to them at the time.

Like I said, if you want a guy to take you out to dinner do not lower your standards to meet him when it is convenient for just him. If the time does not work, reschedule. If you make it clear what you want, the right guy will meet you where you want. And if a guy can only offer 11 pm drinks you know what you are getting yourself into. The choice is yours.

The bottom line is first to know what you are looking for, and if it’s something serious then do not put up with anyone who is offering to give you less. There are men out there who will pretend to want the same thing, but trusting that person is not your fault, he was just a lying jerk. But if you know a guy is only willing to give you less, it is your choice to settle for less if you do.

Know your worth because how he treats you is everything. A man will only respect you as much as you respect yourself. Do not question your standards—you have them for a reason.

In the end, you will be happy and loved however you want as long as you are true to yourself. TC mark

Image Credit: Emily & Steve Photography

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