What is love? Is love an emotion? Is love a state in life that produces happy and unhappy feelings? When you first meet someone you start to like, you get confused because you don’t know if it is just an infatuation, a potential fling, temporary lust, or something long term. We all know it takes time to figure it out.
Sometimes we just don’t know or we just don’t want to know if it is love. But there are some ways to tell it is definitely NOT love.
1. You know it is not love when you are not willing to invest in the person. Are you willing to put in the time and energy that it takes to have a relationship? Are you willing to invest your emotions in the person? Because when you love someone, you make time even when you barely have time.
2. You know it is not love when you are not motivated to be with the person. Is the person just around? Is this just convenient? Because when you love someone, you want to be around the person. You like how it makes you feel to be around the person and you do whatever you can to make that happen as much as possible.
3. You know it is not love when you want to run at the first sign of conflict. In the beginning, all relationships are peachy, but as time goes on, disagreements happen and compromises are necessary. Because when you love someone, even if you have doubts, you choose to stay and you fight for the person and the relationship. You don’t look for a way out just because it is hard. You will fight, but you will fight fair.
4. You know it is not love when you are not willing to put in the effort to bring your lives together. Do you involve the person in your life? Do you make the attempt for the person to meet your family and friends? Does it excite you at the thought of your loved ones adoring your person? Because when you love someone, you want to be a consistent and constant presence in each other’s lives for stability.
5. You know it is not love when you have no interest in working on issues or differences. Do you avoid conversations about topics that you may not completely agree on? Do you hold a constant grudge under your breath regarding a subject but do not bother to talk about it? Because when you love someone, you acknowledge the fact that there will be differences, and you accept the person despite those differences, and try to work around them as well as possible.
6. You know it is not love when the more you know, the less you want to know. Being with someone means you will get to know more about their life – the good, the bad, and the ugly. You will see more beauty and you will notice more flaws. Can you allow the whole package to be a part of your life? Because when you love someone, you take the person for everything the person brings to the relationship. You appreciate the good days but you also don’t give up on the bad days.
7. You know it is not love when you do not enrich each other’s lives or make each other a better person. Does having this person in your life enhance your life? Do you have shared values and priorities, which is a vital part of a long-lasting relationship? Because when you love someone, you respect their values and you have similar priorities in life.
8. You know it is not love when you are constantly questioning if it is love. Love is really a choice, a choice you make every day whether you want to love the person or not. The choice to love someone is not just a feeling, it is an action you do. It has its ups and downs, but at the end of the day it is a choice. The secret to long lasting relationships is when two people believe that their relationship is going to last a long time.