This Is Why I’m Giving Up On You

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When we first met, I was your dream – I was everything you ever imagined a woman to be. You loved every minute with me. You wanted to know more. You willingly did everything and more than I expected.  I was hesitant, but with time I gave in.

You made me happier than I had been in a long time.

As time went by, you started to change, and I started to change in your eyes. You started to see my flaws, you started to notice my faults – you focused on the scars.

You started to get frustrated with my little quirks that once attracted you to me. I was not the same anymore, even in my own eyes.

You started to get bored because the thrill and passion were not the same. You started to question yourself – is this it? You started to get scared – what if this is not right? Because you believed that if it were right, it would be easy all the way.

You got nervous at the first sight of a glitch. You got petrified the first time we fought. You got worried if you were making a mistake by staying with me. You were terrified at the concept of permanence with me, in a world full of options.

You believed in soulmates – the one perfect person who is right for you. I never believed in soulmates. I think most people choose to believe in soulmates because they want it to be real; it is the one ideal person for you who probably does not exist, but gives you the opportunity to move on from one to another in the search of this unicorn of a person. Most people keep looking without ever finding.

When things got hard, you wanted to run. When things got tough, you wanted to hide. When things got complicated, you wanted nothing to do with it. I must admit, we both put each other through hell.

You thought people were disposable, switching options with one swipe. If not this, then there is definitely another.

I did not quite fit your checklist.  To be honest, you never fit mine either, but to me you were more than random qualities on a piece of paper.

I was tired of telling my friends all that was going wrong; they saw you as nothing more than a bag full of problems that caused my unhappiness.

I felt more alone with you next to me than I did in an empty room.

You never cared about my feelings when there were uncertainties. You did not think about how much this would hurt but you went ahead because you had to do what was ‘right’ for you. You never thought that I had doubts too, but as a human I accepted you with your goodness and your ‘defects’ – I know nobody is perfect.

You were looking for the ideal but most of us don’t even know what we want. How can we choose someone when we don’t know what we are looking for? You were someone I was never looking for, but still I wanted you in my life.

You believed relationships should be easy, you thought a relationship meant we should be happy all the time. You questioned my commitment to you every time we had an argument. You doubted yourself every time you had to grow up and compromise. You never fought for me. You never fought for us. You gave up on me, and you gave up on us, so easily.

When you end relationships, you have to cut all ties – so that you cannot find each other. I would rather be lost in my world of confusion than try to find a way with you. You broke me every way you could, and you never apologized – you never thought you were wrong.

You thought I wasn’t right for you, and that’s when I knew how wrong you were for me.

Wherever you go, whatever you do – I will never be yours again. This is the end for us.

This is why I gave up on you, because you never even tried. TC mark

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