As you get older, you become less interested in temporary relationships. After so many heartbreaks, you’re now more inclined to find someone who can give you a sense of stability. Gone are the days when you were willing to bet everything that you have in the name of love. You’re just tired – of losing, of seeing yourself cry, of leaving people. The idea of settling down doesn’t send shiver down your spine anymore.
You tell yourself, “Maybe it’s time to stop looking for sparks in people who can’t hold you long enough.” Pain has done its job in molding you to be stronger, too much of it will make your soul a field of ice. You no longer want to be a participant in someone else’s game. Any dating rule is banned from entering your world. You’re too old to tolerate immaturity right now.
At 24, I feel like I’ve seen too many bullshit in dating scene that I can quickly tell when one is coming my way. And it’s exhausting. I’m tired of dealing with those who have twisted definition of romantic relationship. I’m done playing with fire, I just want something chill.
I want a relationship that’s built mostly in a place where it’s quiet and homely. I want to get to know the person and hear every word they say without getting distracted. I want to pay attention to the way they move their body and change their facial gestures. The space between us is so close that we can hear each other’s heartbeat. And the mood around us is serene, like for a moment the universe is ours.
I want to date someone and watch Netflix with them, lots of it. I want to snuggle on the couch with them and fall in love with the same show. I want to witness them laugh, cry, wonder, and discuss their thoughts about some scenes we just saw. We can build inside jokes and make references based on our favorite characters. We can communicate in a language that only a few people will understand.
I want to spend weeknights with someone inside their apartment. We don’t have to be somewhere fancy, no need to dine in at a chic restaurant. We can just dance in the living room wearing our pajamas, a current pop song playing in the background. Popcorn and ice cream are up for grabs in case we decide to take a break and see another Netflix episode. Nights don’t seem to end as our eyes fixate on the screen.
I want an emotional connection with the other person somewhat real, unfiltered, like written scripts that don’t adhere to conventional standards. I want our tongues to be free, conversations to be authentic.
I want to be able to cuss on top of my lungs and not be judged for my creative choice of words. Because relationships are more beautiful when you say what you want, and mean it.
I want a relationship that’s spontaneous. I want a person I can drag in the car, in the middle of the night, and drive around town. Plans don’t pretty much exist in our books. We do whatever that makes us happy, anything that reminds us that we’re human beings – fragile, imperfect, stubborn. I want to look back one day and see that I have created a story with my partner that is worth sharing, that is unique but relatable.
You see, life, in general, can get dark once in a while. It’s anxiety-inducing and stressful and… weird. But if you have that one person who effortlessly makes you laugh and is the reason why your smile never falters, everything feels easy. Nothing scares you when you know you’re surrounded by the love that you need. Nothing else matters but your relationship and where it’s going.
They say heartbreak, in any form, gives you the best lesson. As you move forward, you try your best to avoid it. You’re doing all that you can to not step into landmines, not get too attached, not to let too many people in. Because you’ve felt enough pain. And you no longer want any of it.
But the only way to find the person you’re looking for is to open a tiny part of your heart. And not hesitate to jump when you see something real. Something that’s romantic and chill.