There’s going to be one Friday night when exhaustion is going to punch you in the face and throw you on the ground. And as you lay there motionlessly, you are going to begin evaluating your life, to look at it in finer details. Questions are going to swirl all around you, waiting for answers that you don’t have yet. You are going to wonder why you’re not out there having fun, celebrating the weekend.
You know you’re just trying to do what’s right. You’re learning to follow the rules, to not break them, and embrace them like a warm blanket on a winter night. But are you truly satisfied with the road you’re taking? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re happy? Is this the world you’ve imagined yourself living in?
You don’t know. Because there are so many things that you don’t know just yet.
It’s probably the lack of sleep that’s making you emotional. It’s burning your candle at both ends that’s causing you to lose your balance. It’s waiting for him to text back, not accepting that he doesn’t give a shit about you, that’s keeping you so suffocated.
Other kids your age are in someplace cool and expensive — drinking, socializing, and having the best time. And yet here you are, staring at the space above you, tired and an inch closer to completely breaking down. This is the kind of life that you’ve chosen. This is how your 20s looks like right now.
But you’re hoping that it isn’t going to be this dull after few years. That the tides will shift and flow in your favor and you will finally see the coast. They say it’s going to get better. And as cliche as that sounds, you believe them. You have to have faith into something.
Your story isn’t going to end like this. You will find a place that will not fail to inspire you every single day. You will be in an environment that will never use your weaknesses against you. An environment that will understand your mental health and will give you the right space that you need for you to function more efficiently.
There will be a day when you will meet a guy who will make an effort to be close to you. And by then, your heart will no longer doubt, will no longer worry about the late replies and unanswered text messages. The world will help you find the man who will always remind you of how much he loves you. And your relationship with him will be smooth and easy and obvious.
You will remember the times when you thought you were too uncool to fit in and realize that you actually did well. Your lifestyle now and then feels true to you. Like even though you’re not going after what everyone is doing, you know in your heart that you’re comfortable and at peace in your own world. And that’s all that matters. That’s the only thing that should matter.
One boring Friday night is irrelevant to the infinite moments ahead of you. No bad feelings last. You just have to wait for them to pass. You just have to sleep your way through them. Because tomorrow, when you wake up, it’s not going to be like this again.
You are going to open your eyes in the morning and know immediately that there are so many good possibilities waiting for you down the road. You are going to let go of all your worries. You aren’t going to bother anymore if he will ever make up his mind about you.
This decade of your life is yours to figure out and live truthfully. And while the uncertainties of the future still shake your knees sometimes, you know that eventually you are going to be fine. That everything is only about to get better from here.