You Can’t Erase The Memory Of A Person You Used To Love

driving, missing someone, memories
Juan Di Nella

I imagine you’re driving around the city to kill time. You’re either jamming to loud music or listening to the news. This is what you usually do when you’re bored, when you have no idea what to do, when you’re trying to run away from something.

I imagine you’re taking a turn around the corner to drive a different route because you’re wary of crossing the same cul-de-sac, same streets, same bridge, same establishments, same parks. You sigh as you remember how your life is starting to get dull. You’re a little bit worn out of doing the same thing and talking to the same people every day.

You accelerate the speed of your car a little more. All you want is to keep moving. All you want is to have the thrill. But mostly, you just want to make yourself feel something.

I imagine you’re wearing that old, cheap pair of sunglasses you bought somewhere you couldn’t remember. It’s in your nature to be forgetful. In fact, your forgetfulness is something I both despised and loved. You’re great at not remembering your bad days, your horrible memories, your bitter past.

But you’re also great at not remembering the people you left behind.

And that’s probably who I am in your life right now – a person you barely recognize. A distant memory you can’t recall. Maybe when someone asks you about me, you’ll simply scratch your head.

I imagine you’re passing along the boulevard that has all these shiny buildings that make you feel like you’re in future. Your love for the city is way bigger than the love that you gave me, and I can’t blame you for that. I am nothing compared to the city. I will never be as perfect as the city. I will never surpass the expectations that you had for me.

I fell for you hard, but you decided I wasn’t the one you were looking for the moment you realized I couldn’t give you everything that you need. You became disappointed by my limitations and weaknesses. You were so used to getting what you wanted that you were surprised when your romantic tactics didn’t work for me. Slowly but surely, you grew colder and one day, you put an end in whatever it was that was happening between us.

You marked me as another person you would try so hard to forget.

But there’s no way you can erase the image of someone who was once special to you. There’s no way you can totally forget your past. And there’s no way that my name doesn’t exist in your heart.

Because whenever you’re stuck in the traffic, with your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the sun that’s beginning to set – you’re shaking your head. You’re avoiding some memories, forbidding them to enter your mind. You’re rolling your windows down, hoping that the air will take away the thoughts that are swirling inside your brain. You’re punching your dashboard to release the frustration that’s building inside of you.

You try to close your eyes, forcing yourself to see darkness, putting yourself in oblivion. But when you open them, you witness the sky turn from blue to orange. And all of a sudden, you’re getting the same emotion that I usually feel when the day fades into the night. And for a one short, sweet moment – you can’t help but remember me. TC mark

Angelo Caerlang

Angelo Caerlang is the author of Sparks in Broken Lights.

Seeds Planted In Concrete

This poetry collection by Bianca Sparacino is an assembly of words that celebrates the resilience of the human heart through stages of hurting, feeling, healing and loving.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”

★★★★★ “One of the best, if not the best, modern poetry collections you can read. Absolutely incredible. Her words are so wise, intricate and delicate that you feel them caressing your soul. I love this book, I love it so very much.” —Hayder

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