10 Signs You Might Actually Be A Socially Selective Person

Nathan Dumlao

1. You feel uncomfortable starting a conversation.

You love to talk. Engaging with different people energizes your soul. But being the first person who speaks in a conversation isn’t just your thing. And it’s not because you think highly of yourself, it’s because you feel anxious by the prospect of reaching out first and saying “Hi.” You almost always want an assurance that the other person is interested in having a conversation with you before you place yourself in a dialogue with him or her.

2. You generally do not talk to strangers.

You mind your own business when you are in public places. You barely smile or make eye contact with the people you pass on the streets. You’d rather rely on your phone for directions rather than ask strangers about them. You hate talking to people you know you’ll never see again because you’re the type who’s only up for building deep relationships with human beings.

3. You easily get exhausted by spending time with people you’re not close with.

You feel suffocated and trapped when you’re stuck in a place where you don’t belong. You start to get fidgety and count down the hours until you can go home. You’re not the kind of social butterfly who gets along really well with everyone. Your communication skills are ineffective when you’re not surrounded by the people in your own tribe. Your energy quickly diminishes when you find yourself in a group that you don’t fit in.

4. You’re an open book, but not with everyone.

Being socially selective means intentionally keeping your social circle small. You’re only comfortable to show the real you if your friends are around. You aren’t afraid to tell all your secrets and share your thoughts in front of the people that you love. You never worry about pleasing anyone and making sure that you act, dress, and speak the proper way, because you’re confident that you’re surrounded by the people who accept you for who you are. But when you are faced with people that you don’t know, you’re usually reserved and hard to read.

5. You are picky.

Nobody can force you to do something or be with someone that you don’t like. You have standards for everything in life, including choosing someone you want to be an acquaintance with. You aren’t sure whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing to filter people who come into your life – but you do anyway. You only welcome certain people whom you know will be part of your world for a long period of time. And you never waste your time mingling with the wrong ones.

6. You are not fond of small talk.

If there’s one thing that you can’t stand on this earth – it’s small talk. You don’t want to be stopped at what you’re doing or where you’re going just to answer a short, irrelevant question. You become impatient in engaging in a topic that you’re one hundred percent sure doesn’t make sense. You’re only interested in seeking conversations that will spark your curiosities and will add value to your existing knowledge.

7. You tend to walk away when you’re bored.

When you’re put in a situation that you think isn’t going anywhere – you leave. You turn around and walk away not because you’re rude, but because you’re saving yourself and the other person from the hassle of putting so much effort into something that is never going to work out. Everything becomes easier when you detach yourself from something that doesn’t make you happy.

8. You are guarded.

You have a hard time trusting some people. You draw a line between you and them so they’re aware that there’s a boundary that they can’t cross. A huge part of you is holding you back from completely handing your heart to everyone because you don’t want to give them the opportunity to break it. Protecting yourself puts you in a safe place where people can’t hurt you, people can’t do damage in your life, and people can’t take control of you.

9. You don’t reply too quickly.

Unless you receive a message from someone who’s really important to you, it typically takes you forever to respond to all other things. You don’t reply too quickly because it gives you an excuse not to communicate with people when you just want to be on your own. You don’t reply too quickly because you don’t want to give people the impression that you’re easy to get. In fact, your social selectiveness should be a clear indication that you’re a hard nut to crack.

10. You have days when you want to be left alone.

You like interacting with people who are close to your heart, but sometimes you just need space. You need to temporarily shut yourself down and recharge your energy. You need some time to distance yourself away from everyone and just be with yourself. You need to reflect and do things on your own. You realize that although advice from other people help you in some ways, you’re still the one who makes all the final decisions. And that is why you want to give yourself an alone time to ponder about your life. TC mark

Angelo Caerlang

Angelo Caerlang is the author of Sparks in Broken Lights.

Seeds Planted In Concrete

This poetry collection by Bianca Sparacino is an assembly of words that celebrates the resilience of the human heart through stages of hurting, feeling, healing and loving.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”

★★★★★ “One of the best, if not the best, modern poetry collections you can read. Absolutely incredible. Her words are so wise, intricate and delicate that you feel them caressing your soul. I love this book, I love it so very much.” —Hayder

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