Read This If You’re Wondering Whether I Regret Walking Away From You

Alex Bertha

I woke up this morning feeling a little bit different. I stared at my window as I watched the sun slowly rise above the earth. I tried to remember where I was exactly one year ago. I tried to remember what was running through my head at that time.

Then, the thought of you crossed my mind.

I did my best to keep myself busy so I could avoid recalling the tragedy of what happened between you and I. But the memory of you was stronger than my self-control.

I know I left without giving an explanation. Not even a slight clue about why I disappeared. I left with no warning. I stood in front of you one day and said only two words: I’m done.

But this is the real reason why I walked away from you: I got scared.

I got scared that maybe I was in the wrong place. I got scared that I’d feel stuck with you. I got scared that I’d be missing out so many incredible things in life if I stayed with you.

I felt unhappy at one point and thought it would be better if I ran away. I thought I would lessen the damage if I escaped silently. I knew eventually you would understand why I pulled myself away from you.

But I bet I only made things worse with me leaving that way. I bet it made you think of me as a terrible human being. And I apologize.

I know you deserve an apology — so this is me saying I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I didn’t try harder. I’m sorry I was selfish and didn’t consider the effect of my decision on you. I’m sorry I broke my promise of loyalty. I’m sorry I destroyed your trust in me. And I am so sorry that I got scared.

I was very young when I met you. There were so many things in life that I either didn’t understand or didn’t want to understand. I was a little bit confused. I had insecurities I was suppressing inside of me. I had doubts about where I was.

The easiest way for me to figure out what I wanted in life was to leave and start all over again. I was in a hurry to begin a new life that I never had the time to ponder if it was the right choice to make. I got way too excited about the promise of a fresh start.

There is no doubt in my mind that I disappointed you. And in case you’re wondering if I regret walking away from you, the answer is yes.

It’s hard for me to admit it, but I believe you deserve to know the truth. This time, I’m giving you a detailed explanation of why I left. This time, I’m swallowing my pride and delivering to you the apology that I should have given to you before.

I spent the whole day remembering how you used to make me your priority and how I blindly took that for granted. I wish I gave myself more time in making decisions. I wish I appreciated the way you did everything you could to make me stay.

I wish I realized how important I was to you.

I regret not fighting my demons. I regret not trying to be mature. I regret not giving you more chances that you deserve. I regret giving up so easily.

And, yes, I do regret leaving you.

It’s just so complicated for us to put everything back together right now. Maybe I am where I am at the moment because this is the place that I’m supposed to be in, for the meantime. But in the future, when the world makes a way for our paths to cross, I’m willing to personally give you my apology.

And I hope that we can pick up where we left off. TC mark

Angelo Caerlang

Angelo Caerlang is the author of Sparks in Broken Lights.

Seeds Planted In Concrete

This poetry collection by Bianca Sparacino is an assembly of words that celebrates the resilience of the human heart through stages of hurting, feeling, healing and loving.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”

★★★★★ “One of the best, if not the best, modern poetry collections you can read. Absolutely incredible. Her words are so wise, intricate and delicate that you feel them caressing your soul. I love this book, I love it so very much.” —Hayder

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