I’m Trying To Be Okay About The Fact That You’re Getting Married

Jason Blackeye

This is the moment that I’ve been dreading. The part when you’re going to tell me that you’re engaged. The part when my heart shatters into million pieces. The part when I’m unable to immediately fix myself and become whole again.

This is the part of our story that I ignored when I took a risk on you.

My world spun so fast and I suddenly felt out of breath, dizzy, and disoriented when you delivered to me the news that you were getting married. I thought that situation only happens in movie. Unfortunately, I had a taste of it in real life. I had a taste of sorrow that quickly blurred my eyes with tears, in just a second. And I didn’t like it.

I didn’t like to face the truth that I lost you. I didn’t like that my stomach felt unease, knowing that soon you’ll be tying the knot with someone else. Not me. I didn’t like that a part of me, which was hoping we’d be back together one day, died as you spoke. I didn’t like that my whole world crumbled down, and I instantly got scared.

I’m scared that I will never find someone like you again. I’m scared that I will be discouraged to love, even at this young age.

I’m scared that when I walk into a room of crowded people, I will still search for your face. I’m scared that it will take me forever to get over you.

Because you were one of the reasons why I was excited for my future. And even if we didn’t talk for months before, I knew you’d always be there. I knew that you would drop me a message whenever I crossed your mind. I knew we’d see each other once in a while. I knew you would fight for me no matter what.

But you didn’t choose me in the end.
And I am trying my best to be okay with it.

I am trying not to be clueless about my future. I am trying to find another option in my life without you in it. I am trying to stop crying, even though the tears feel inevitable. I am trying to accept that you’re no longer part of my life. I am trying to sleep, and live the next day as if nothing bothers me.

I am trying to breathe on my own.

They say if you love someone, let them go. So now I’m setting you free. I’m not going to chase and run behind you. I’m not going to ask you if it’s your decision to get married or someone else. I’m not going to hate you for giving me false hope.

Because hate will not undo what has already happened. Hate will not bring me back to you. Hate will only make me a bitter person. And I am more than that.

I am more than a person with grief and regrets.

I am meant for more love and happiness. I am meant for someone who’s more than you. I am meant for better days with sunshine and a sky full of stars. I am meant for a bigger, brighter future. I am meant for more smiles and laughter and incredible memories.

I am meant for something magical, even without you in my life. TC mark

Angelo Caerlang

Angelo Caerlang is the author of Sparks in Broken Lights.

Seeds Planted In Concrete

This poetry collection by Bianca Sparacino is an assembly of words that celebrates the resilience of the human heart through stages of hurting, feeling, healing and loving.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”

★★★★★ “One of the best, if not the best, modern poetry collections you can read. Absolutely incredible. Her words are so wise, intricate and delicate that you feel them caressing your soul. I love this book, I love it so very much.” —Hayder

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