To The People I Walked Away From, I Apologize

Abigail Keenan
Abigail Keenan

When I find myself stuck in the wrong story, I still try to make things work with the people I’m surrounded with. I still try to close the gap and break the walls that separate me from them. I still try to patch the holes in our broken relationships.

But sometimes, I reach a point when I grow tired of trying to seal what’s broken. I grow tired of being frustrated, angry, and upset.

When things get out of control, the easiest alternative I see is to leave and walk away. Because I don’t see the point in repairing a bond that is slowly sinking. I don’t see the reason to stay when every day my feelings are getting hurt. I don’t see why I should not quit, and start somewhere else.

In the process of walking away, I tend to hurt people, too. I act like their feelings don’t matter to me. I act like they deserve to be in pain as well. I act like all along I am the victim, and everyone else is the villain.

Eventually I realize I’m wrong, and selfish. And I apologize.

I apologize to everyone I left behind. I apologize to everyone I offended, and wounded.

I am sorry for saying what was on my mind without considering whether my argument would make someone go home with a swelling heart. I am sorry for letting down everyone who believed in my potentials. I am sorry that I still chose to leave, even though a lot of people were rooting for me to stay.

I have learned that the choices we make in our lives bring us exactly to where we are right now. I have learned that whether we make the right decision or the bad one, in the end, it teaches us to become stronger and wiser.

I have learned that time is always our number one best friend. Time helps us to heal all our wounds. Time allows us to grow in our own ways.

I realize now that I can’t completely move forward in my life if I still hang on to the bitterness that I carried from my past.

And so I have forgiven everyone I walked away from. I have forgiven myself. And I hope that you have forgiven me, too.

I hope that one day we can all come up to the conclusion that the direction everyone was expecting me to take was different from what I wanted for myself. I hope that one day, when we all look back, we remember each other for all the great times we shared, rather than the horrible ones. I hope that one day our paths will intersect, and by then I wish that we can be friends.

I have wholeheartedly accepted the place and situation that I am in right now. Slowly by slowly, I am beginning to bring back my happiness and my confidence. Slowly by slowly, my life is starting to unfold, and bring me closer to where my dreams want me to be.

I have learned to swallow my pride and admit that I am wrong. Because there is nothing sweeter than living with a light heart that is free from guilt and anger.

There is nothing better than to let go.

I have found the light that leads me to my purpose. I have found the voice that I can use to inspire people. I have found the reason to live a life that I can be proud of.

And by forgiving, I think I can genuinely smile again, starting today. TC mark

Angelo Caerlang

Angelo Caerlang is the author of Sparks in Broken Lights.

Seeds Planted In Concrete

This poetry collection by Bianca Sparacino is an assembly of words that celebrates the resilience of the human heart through stages of hurting, feeling, healing and loving.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”

★★★★★ “One of the best, if not the best, modern poetry collections you can read. Absolutely incredible. Her words are so wise, intricate and delicate that you feel them caressing your soul. I love this book, I love it so very much.” —Hayder

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