In Case You And I Don’t Make It

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that I’ve been thinking about you since I was 12. I was curious then if you would change my life, too, just like what happened with people in TV when they fell in love.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that I was writing you love letters in my diaries whenever I felt terribly lonely in my life and hoped that by doing so, it would be healing for me.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that I made myself a fool by talking to the stars late at night and asking them if I was only a few sleeps away from finally meeting you.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that I wished you were there to comfort me when I was so heartbroken with the people who forced me to believe they were you.

I would have given up any vices of mine just to see you there and have you save me.

In case you and I don’t make it, know that you were always in my mind during the times that I was very down and had no one to understand me, no one to lean on, and no one to speak to. I truly did hope you would be there to tell me that I could make it through, even though it honestly felt like I was an inch away from giving up.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that whenever I blew out my birthday candles, I closed my eyes and pictured you there. I was waiting for a signal from the universe that I was ready for you to show up in my life.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that during the greatest highlights of my life, I wanted you to be there to congratulate me, to be happy for me, to pat me on the back and tell me how proud of me you were. I wanted to see that smile that would give me more confidence and assure me that I was on the right track.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that I have spent my days wondering what you’re your voice sounds like, or how warming it would be over the phone, or how my body would react if you called me.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that I have dreamt of travelling the world with you by my side. I always hoped you would be there to take selfies with me by beautiful sunsets or get lost with me, guiding me as we walk paths that are too steep, or laugh with me as we learn something silly from someone else’s culture.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that I pushed myself to become a better person for you. So that when we met, you would be captivated by my genuine spirit, big heart, and deep soul.

I want to impress you, wow you, and make you the luckiest person in the world.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that I was dying to talk about you to my friends, to make them giggle or high five me when I show them your pictures, to have them question their minds if they’re going to one day meet someone like you.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that when I was on the road, I would look out the window and ponder in which part of the world you were in, or if we already walked pass each other on the streets, or if you sat beside me before, or if you were yet to be born.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that I’m still here waiting for you, hoping that every longing, every tear, every daydream will soon be worth it.

In case you and I don’t make it, please know that I did love you, with all my heart, even before I met you, even before I saw you, even before you touched me.

But if you and I really cannot make it, I will understand, no matter how sad it will be.

I will accept it. I will be okay. I will move on. I will stand on my own feet. And maybe that is how it will always be.