Sometimes nobody really understands how crushed we are on the inside. We are just lost souls wandering around the earth trying to make sense of how to fill out the blank books handed to us: sentences to paragraphs, paragraphs to pages, pages to chapters.
We wake up each morning pushing ourselves to give another day a shot, hoping it will be different. We set high expectations by the time we step out of our safe havens, only to go home with the same disappointment. We get tired of waiting for something great to happen, for one big bang to boost our morale, for a fair share in spotlight to set our goals in motions.
Sometimes we think it will never really get better.
We invest everything we have to one person who treats us like garbage. We enjoy the torture of being the only one making efforts that are even larger than our lives. We keep running behind someone who won’t even dare to turn around for a second. We are desperate for validation and acknowledgement and acceptance from someone who’s honestly not just into us.
We keep forming little alliances with people who flip-flop and throw us under the bus at the first available opportunity. We are damaged human beings with trust issues that we drag along with us. We allow fear that’s lurking beneath us to make us believe that everyone’s eventually going to denounce us.
We are mistaken for begging attention and dismissed for overreacting on tiny matters. We are blamed for romanticizing our shambled feelings and we are forced to grow up. We are neglected for the sympathy and support that we need.
Until some of us are ready to give up, and even take our lives.
Because what’s there to see when our visions are clouded by our tears? What’s there to hear when all we perceive are broken covenants? What’s there to taste when everything’s bitter and salty? What’s there to feel when we receive nothing but torment? Kindly tell us, what’s there to live for when there’s absolutely no life running through our veins?
But you know what? Maybe we just need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves.
Maybe if put up a brave face to our demons they will go away. Maybe the war isn’t over yet as long as we still cling to that breathe. Maybe we should disremember everything — the good and the bad– so we can have a fresh start.
If we drop everything we’re doing and stop for one really long moment, perhaps we might realize that one day we are going to find ourselves. If we look towards the beginning of each day with empty presumption, perhaps we might end the day with no dismay.
If we stop waiting and start acting, perhaps all of our dreams might come true by now.
You see, we wreck ourselves because we keep looking at the wrong direction, we keep searching for the incompatible lover, and we keep believing that everyone’s going to hurt us.
It is us who lose in the end if we throw away the time we still have that others can’t afford anymore.
It’s not always that everything’s going to be like in the movie. There will be painful seasons, miserable ones. But we have to harder again and again. We have to stop expecting someone to knock on our doors and fly us away from our problems.
Sometimes we have to save ourselves.