4 Ways To Survive Meeting Your Ex’s New Partner

Breakups are hard. Maybe the two of you saw it coming or you both fell out of love, but the fact is: there’s never an easy way to say goodbye.

Where does the love go? While it’s impossible to answer this question, you’ll eventually find some closure with the passing of time. And, your ex will eventually meet someone new. What will you do when he or she insists you two meet?

Will meeting the new partner hurt you? Will it bring you down? Will it set you back or make you jealous? Many questions run through your head—it’s natural to be confused and emotional. But, it’s important to stay strong and move on from your past. It doesn’t matter how it ended or why it ended. You may still miss this person but, meeting your ex’s new partner can actually help with the moving on process.

1. Build Up the Courage

Meeting your ex’s new partner can scare you, but they’re probably just as afraid of meeting you too. Go easy on yourself, calm down, maybe have a glass of wine. Meeting their new partner can be a positive event. It can often reveal how much your ex has changed (or hasn’t changed, for that matter.) It could also help you see why the relationship wasn’t working.

Building up confidence is just as important as building up courage. Try picking out a new outfit, wearing something new your ex hasn’t seen you in or picked out for you. Wear something that shows off the new you and helps you stand out. Hit the gym or go for a run. You want to look fresh and feel confident. Getting a new haircut or style can help also. Hey, no one said this would be easy! Wear your signature fragrance. Have one drink (but be careful not to overdo it) as it might help you feel less nervous.

Lastly, make sure to have a perfectly timed exit beforehand. Dress and act as if you have somewhere else to be after—maybe even a date.

2. Don’t Be Jealous

Be polite. This will make others respect you, as it will demonstrate you also have respect for yourself. Be nice, but not too nice. You want to maintain a distance and respect the boundaries of the new relationship. Don’t become best friends. It’s fine if your ex’s new partner is hot. Who did you think they were going to date, Freddy Krueger? The key is to not compare yourself to the new partner. What you and your ex had is now over. Don’t be bitter; be better. Obviously, the more acrimonious the split, the harder it will be—especially if the current partner is the one your ex left you for. Be strong.

Remember that even if this new partner wasn’t around, you and your ex’s relationship would still be over. Be happy for your ex.

3. Talk

It’s going to be difficult to think of things to say. You don’t want to say too much, but you also don’t want to say too little. Be upbeat. You don’t want them to feel as they are being interrogated by Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU. Here are some conversation tips:

Keep it light, ask easy questions about the person’s job, movies they might like etc.

Don’t talk yourself up too much. Trying to make them jealous of your awesome life could backfire and make you look desperate.

Try to be happy for them, and respond genuinely when they talk about their relationship.

Don’t overstay your welcome.

Don’t talk about you and your ex’s relationship.

Leave on a high note; announce that you’re leaving confidently, either after a joke or a sympathetic moment.

Keep it simple.

4. Make Sure to Laugh

As much as you may judge the new partner, they’re most likely judging you too. You might be overwhelmed with feelings but you’ll make it through it. Make sure you are laughing and having fun. And if you can’t, fake it until you make it.

5. Put On A Happy Face For the Last Goodbye

It may be hard to face this event, but you can do it. After you meet your ex’s new partner, part of you still may want to call your ex, but that isn’t the right thing to do. Be happy that it’s over. You’ll come to understand that having them in your life is no longer the right thing.

In life, there are no mistakes, no taking things back, no saying sorry, and no holding on. Sometimes, the only thing left to do is say “Goodbye.”