5 Things I Don’t Tell My Best Friend Enough

My best friend is wonderful, funny, supportive, beautiful in every way—just an overall badass amazing human. But sometimes I forget to remind her just how special she is to me. (Well, it’s not so much that I forgot to but that, to me, it is so obvious.) She is the person I call when I feel like the stresses of my life are getting the better of me. She’s the one I want to share good news with and give run downs of moments in my life as they are happening. There are so many things I could be telling her every day, lists upon lists of reasons I love her and need her and value her beyond any extent she will ever know. But if I had to make a list of only five things, of those I need her to hear the most, this would be my list.

1. You are my rock.

You really are. We’ve been close for years, but if this pandemic has shown me anything, it’s that I don’t need a lot of people to retain my sanity (or at least whatever is left of it in the first place). I do need you, though. It’s not even days when I cry on your shoulders; it’s just being there. It’s the fact that even when we disagree vehemently, I still see how much you love me. I still love you right back.

2. I’m always here for you.

I tell you this every time you say you’re having a bad day, and I mean it. Sometimes I wonder if you realize just how deeply, how truly. I could be in the middle of the darkest night of my own life, but if you call, I’ll be there. I could be living the happiest moment of my life (though without you there, that’s hard to imagine), and if you needed to talk, well, guess what? I’ll pick up. I know it can be hard for you to reach out. I know it can be difficult to voice those dark thoughts inside. But they don’t scare me; yes, it hurts to hear defeat in your voice, to read the truth of just how hard your day is in between the lines. But I will always be there. Because no matter how much I hate to see you suffer, I’d hate it even more if you had to do it alone. And you don’t have to. I’m here, always.

3. I’m sorry that loving me can be hard.

I can be a mess, I know. Sometimes I drink too much, cry too much, make the same mistakes over and over. I can be moody and infuriating, and I get terrified at the idea of someone leaving me. I need constant reassurance, and I am scared it may drive you away. Ironically, sometimes I might push you away because of it. I can be a know-it-all—the way I watch movies must drive you insane, as well as how I talk about the same thing over and over again.

4. Thank you for doing it anyway.

…but you love me anyway. Even when I don’t love myself, you do. And there are few people I believe that with, but with you, well, somehow I never doubt it.

5. You are my best friend.

To some, the term ‘best friend’ may seem like something only little girls use in pink friendship books when swearing love and friendship forever to each other at an age when forever is something we can barely imagine. We are no longer those girls on the outside, but sometimes I think we still are on the inside. And not everyone needs to hear those three little words: best friends forever. But I know that you do. I know that you get insecure sometimes, that you can get very jealous of other friends. It’s okay; I get that way too. I also know that even if I told you every day, those feelings won’t necessarily go away. It will take forever for you to believe me, maybe, but that’s okay. We’ve got that time.