After a few years of being single, self-reflection has taught me a bit about myself and what I want and similarly don’t want. When it comes to the topic of what I want from a relationship, I can’t say I know who I want or what my ‘dream man’ looks like, or does for a living or is called.
But I do know two things: I don’t want to settle, and I do want simplicity.
Many of my friends complain about their boyfriends and how annoying they are and how they argued over x, y and z things and how the relationship is going nowhere — I don’t want that. A lot of people are scared of being alone — and don’t get me wrong, I’m scared too. The fear of growing old alone consumes me and leads me to terrible things such as spending hours swiping away on Tinder, but I won’t settle. I have too much to invest, too much to give.
Then there are the girls I know who stay in monotonous relationships to benefit only from constant stream of expensive gifts: handbags, jewelry, weekends away — only to turn around and complain that they argued or he didn’t give her enough attention, or some other qualm. I don’t want that either. When I’m with someone, I want to be with them 100%. I want to speak only kind, loving words about them and show them off to the world and post sickening Sunday couple selfies on Instagram.
What I mean when I talk of wanting simplicity is really quite straightforward. So many people talk about wanting a love which turns their world upside down, makes everything else seem dull and ordinary, and sets their heart on fire. I don’t want that kind of love. I want a love which puts my world into order, which makes the dull and ordinary exciting, and which silences the musings of my heart.
I want a simple love. A love which is there when I come home from a long day at work to greet me with a hug and a smile; a love which isn’t dimmed by seeing me hungover, without make-up on a Saturday morning; a love which makes me feel complete, regardless of distance.
I want the man who gives me that kind of love to be simple, too. I don’t need airs and graces; I don’t need diamonds, flowers or gifts. I just need someone there, to celebrate my successes, commiserate my losses and everything else in between.
And in return, I’ll offer him the same thing: a simple, uncomplicated love. I will burst with pride at his successes, hide my heartbreak at his losses and be there every day to live my life with him. I will speak kindly of him, will invest in him everything I have and give him my heart.
Maybe I’m seeing the world simultaneously through cynical and rose-tinted eyes, or maybe the simple kind of love just doesn’t exist, but whether it does or not, I’ll wait for it, even if it means I’ll be waiting forever.