The people who know me well would be the first to tell you that I can be pretty cynical. I can generate a list of all the people and things I dislike in five seconds flat. And trust me, it will be a long, detailed list. But when it comes to love, I turn into a giant mush. I can’t form coherent sentences. I become an emotional wreck who sobs — at an iPhone commercial (yes, that happened).
Love is the most freeing experience there is. I don’t care if you’ve climbed a mountain or bungee-jumped off of the Manhattan Bridge — these experiences are nothing compared to being in love. Opening up emotionally reveals a side of you that you might have never known existed, be it positive or negative. Some days I feel like I can conquer the world because I’m so happy, and other days I feel like I could wage war against the girl who dared to try and socialize with my boyfriend. Most days it’s a nice, sane balance between the two.
But as grand and amazing as love is, I cannot write about it and how it truly makes me feel. I’ve read countless articles and essays on being in love that are so beautiful they make me shed a tear (I told you, I’m a mush when it comes to love). And yet, when I try and convey that feeling in my own words, I completely blank. I stare at my computer, struggling to find synonyms for “happy” and “great.” I’ve finally come to the conclusion that there are no words to describe the true depth and power of love, or at least not the love I feel. No flowery adjectives can expressive that moment when you look into someone’s eyes and feel real love. Yeah, it’s pretty freakin’ great, but I don’t think “great” does it justice. Britney Spears got it right with the line, “when your eyes say it, that’s when I know that it’s true.” Words don’t mean much when it comes to love.
Love is usually described with a slew of cliché and gushy metaphors, like “love is the first day of spring” or “love is sunshine after a cloudy day.” What about all the times being in love makes you feel terrible? What about when you’re fighting with your significant other and you feel like you truly, deeply hate him? Or you feel so worn out and confused that you don’t even want to get out of bed? Not to say that love isn’t also all of the wonderful things, but it is much more complex than most people make it out to be.
The best moments of my relationship are usually indescribable. Of course I love the date nights, the dinners, the nights we stay in and watch Netflix, the nights we get drunk for no reason. These things all make me feel really, really [insert synonym for happy]. But if someone asked me to describe exactly what was going on in my head during one of those moments, I wouldn’t know what to say. Maybe I can’t describe it because this is true, perfect love… or maybe I’m just being a mush again.