10 Things That Totally Scare Guys In Bed

Shutterstock / Ollyy
Shutterstock / Ollyy

Women aren’t the only ones who are capable of being spooked in bed! Men, it seems, have just as many run-ins with some scary situations during the sexy times.

While we found that some women were disappointed that they weren’t spooked more often, it was the dudes who were taken aback by some of the things with which they were presented. You know, if we could all just get on the same page as to what’s spooky and what’s not, we could actually live in sexual harmony.

  1. The Fifty Shades Of Grey Girl:
    Some people, as is in Justin’s (36) case, are very angry with E.L. James, and the cult she has created with her book. “Obviously, it’s hot when a girl reads, but when she can’t get through a fucking session without referencing that fucking book 15 times, it’s the scariest thing in the world. It’s also a boner killer.” Does this happen a lot? “I count once as a lot, so yes.”
  2. The Bald Girl:
    Angelo, 33, is surrounded by the hairless vaginas of New York City — and is less than thrilled with the trend. “What spooks me? A woman whose vagina looks like an 8-year-old’s. I’m a man. I don’t get off on nailing little girls. When I see it, I won’t stop the action, but I won’t be back for seconds. There are plenty of guys into it, I’m just not one of them.”
  3. The Missing Penis:
    Matthew, 29, is a gay man just trying to find love in NYC. However, one particular incident a couple years ago put the fear of god in this atheist. “I took him home, we’re fooling around and when I reached down his pants, there was nothing there! At first I thought there was something wrong until I realized he wasn’t a he, but a she! Why would a ‘she’ come home with a ‘he’ who’s obviously a gay he? After my freak-out, she left. I don’t how you girls walk around with nothing down there.”
  4. The Stuffed Animal Girl:
    We heard from Nate, 36, before about his fear of excessive stuffed animals, but he isn’t quite done yet stressing the horror this mood-killer. “I feel like I’ve already answered this question for you during your last request for stories, but stuffed animals, after that particular incident, are still on the top of my spooky list. They might as well be a Chucky doll for me. What’s with women and dolls when they’re over the age of 30?”
  5. The Eternal Teenybopper:
    At 29, Ryan didn’t expect to walk into a shrine of posters of N*Sync, but sometimes, like stuffed-animal girl, people just can’t grow up. “At first I thought she was being ironic, because she had a hipster way about her, but considering the wall-to-wall posters of that band and even Justin Timberlake’s face on the ceiling, I knew something was a bit off with this one. I told her I had diarrhea and had to leave to make sure I never heard from her again. Girls don’t like poop talk.”
  6. The Muscly Girl:
    Not to our surprise, men tend to be really focused on looks. From weight concerns to the oh-so horrible term “but-her-face” men do come off as the more shallow of the two genders. Danny, 35, proved this to be true: “Not to be a douche, but I know I can date pretty much anyone because of the amount of money I make, so my standards are high. If a woman is going to only date me just for my money, she has to be really hot. I took home a woman one night, and when she undressed she had the biggest biceps I’d ever seen on a woman. She had arms like Madonna and I was legit scared of what she could possibly do to me if I upset her. I cut the night short, but I can tell you that for most men big muscles is not just intimidating, but gross.”
  7. The Biter:
    Olivier, 40, had always been a fan of biting until he met a woman who took it too far. “We were making out, and she kept trying to bite my tongue. She seemed more focused on trying to remove it from my mouth, than actually kiss. I felt like we were playing a bizarre game, and the goal was to make sure that I still had my tongue intact by the night’s end.”
  8. Jane Doe:
    Scott, 33, had gone to a Halloween party years ago, and met a woman dressed as a cowgirl. They had a good time and went home together … where she refused to take off her costume or reveal her real name. “She was completely into hooking up, but wanted to do so with the costume on, and wouldn’t tell me anything about her. I liked the mystery at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized she had something to hide. For all I know I could have had sex with a serial killer.”
  9. The Handcuff Girl:
    As Billy, 33, pointed out to me, he’s all for women embracing their sexuality and being as kinky as they want, but there was one memory from his single days that he’s never been able to shake. “She had about a dozen handcuffs cuffed to the frame of her bed. We’d been out a couple times, and it was the first time I had been to her place. All I kept thinking about was exactly how many people she liked to handcuff to her bed at a time. Like, if I let her cuff me, would she run to get her roommate and neighbor, and cuff them, too? It also didn’t help that they were all different colors and reminded me of Lucky Charms.”
  10. The Squirter:
    Although porn may make it look like every man is trying to land himself a woman who squirts, in real life, it’s not always the case. David, 30 explains: “I had a squirter once. It was awful. I thought she was peeing herself. My friends said I should be proud that I could have such an effect on her, but I didn’t feel that way at all. I’m not even exaggerating when I tell you I live in fear of ever coming across a squirter again.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

This post originally appeared at YourTango.

Amanda is a freelance writer for YourTango who divides her time between NYC and Paris She has been published in The Atlantic, Forbes, LearnVest, xoJane, Huffington Post, and many others. Her greatest dream is to win a cheesecake eating contest while holding a baby panda.

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