Ah, the Myers Briggs personality types. They seem to be all the rage lately, so I figured if I really wanted to get my work published on Thought Catalog, I had better write something about personality type, and preferably do so in the form of a list with a minimum of 10 items. But since 10 is a boring number, I had also better pick a number that seems unique and eye-catching, like 13. And alas, it worked, right? You’re reading this on Thought Catalog, and it caught your eye because of the trendy title and edgy choice of number. I know. I’m good.

So anyway, as promised, I guess I should probably actually make some sort of list for you to read, probably while sitting on your phone at work, trying to distract yourself from the fact that all you’ve been doing all day is procrastinating, kind of like I’m doing now. Cheers.

1. ENTPs are friggin’ annoying.

I can say it because I am one, okay. ENTP’s always think they’re right (they usually are), but just being right isn’t good enough. No, we want everyone to acknowledge the fact of our extreme and predominant rightness. That’s just how much we like being right. It’s friggin’ annoying.

2. ENTPs suck at relationships.

We won’t ever admit it. Heck no. But it’s true, I mean, come on. We are some of the most heartless people on the planet. And it’s not that we don’t have a heart, we just don’t really have normal emotions like normal people so it kind of seems like we don’t have a heart. Ya feel?

3. ENTPs are way too honest.

Like, brutally honest. To us, honesty is the most important facet of any relationship. You lie, you die. Okay, not that extreme, but yeah. We ENTP’s value brutal honesty over mushy-gushy feelings any day. I don’t care if you’ll cry; I’m going to tell you how fat you look in that dress. Sorry, not sorry.

4. ENTPs don’t like commitment.

For one, we can’t stay committed to any one thing long enough to actually call it commitment anyway, and for two, why would we restrain our brilliance and creative genius by tying ourselves down to someone “less than?” That’s just stupid. No, but really, it’s hard for us to fully give ourselves over to another person. Why? No stinkin’ clue.

5. ENTPs are super selfish.

Maybe it’s a combination of the ruthless honesty and the lack of romantic abilities, but we ENTP’s are ridiculously into ourselves. It’s not arrogance or cockiness, but we generally put our own interests above others. It’s not that we really don’t care, we just don’t really care.

6. ENTP’s are a minority (THANK GOODNESS).

There’s a reason we only make up less than 3% of the population. But that makes it pretty dang difficult to find like-minded individuals to befriend. Which actually, that’s probably a good thing. Get too many of us together and we’d probably take over the universe. Scratch this point altogether.

7. ENTPs are slobs.

Maybe that’s just me, actually. I’m not sure, but my lack of ability to stick to one idea for more than 10 minutes makes it really hard to do things like clean my apartment or remember to switch the laundry. Oh, crap.

8. ENTPs are so not into you.

We are super flirtatious and almost too extraverted to even be real. So you’ll totally dig us. But we just aren’t that into you. We can make you open up and tell us your darkest secrets and kiss you like you’ve never been kissed. And then, the end.

9. ENTPs never shut up.

We like to talk. We really like to talk. And usually, we aren’t interested in whatever response you’ve been sitting there thinking about while we’ve been talking for the last hour. We just want to talk some more. Probably about the latest National Geographic documentary we watched, and our aunt Phyllis who baked this super yummy pie yesterday, oh, and there was that one time when…

10. ENTPs care too much.

I know, I said we don’t care. But actually, we do, and like, way too much, actually. We throw everything we have into whatever we decide to do—love, sports, school, procrastination, the next great As Seen on TV invention, whatever. We give it our all, at least while we are still interested in it. And for those glorious 2 hours, we are the most devoted, caring people on the planet.

11. ENTPs will make you uncomfortable.

We are super outgoing, super smart, super dominant, and super intimidating. ENTP’s can easily make you feel like you’re being swallowed whole by a massive tyrannosaurus rex. We can be surprisingly scary. So back off. Just kidding.

12. ENTPs cannot lose.

We are the worst losers on earth, which kind of makes us losers. We hate anti-success so much that we will literally find every possible way to cheat, and then methodically argue how we are in fact not cheating, but rather finding loopholes in the rules. Works every time.

13. ENTPs will be your friend, even if you don’t want a friend.

We really dislike being disliked, so we will relentlessly pursue your friendship until we either drive you absolutely insane or, well, yeah we will drive you absolutely insane. Great news, though, we hate when people bail on plans, so unlike 99.9% of your so-called “friends,” we will actually show up, probably late, but we will show up.

All in all, it’s easy to see why ENTP’s are considered some of the world’s most amazing individuals. We are impossible to get along with, and even more impossible to fight with. We may be unlovable, but it’s also really hard not to love us. We are open and honest, but hard to get to know. We will break down your walls, but good luck getting through ours. We’re like a Starburst candy—a juicy contradiction. And honestly, we wouldn’t have it any other way.