This Year I’ll Walk Away And Wait For What I Deserve

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girl on a bridge
Jake Melara

This time I’ll walk away because I’ve been here many times before and I’ve had to learn the hard way that giving all of me won’t mean that I get all of you in return. Nothing I can offer will ever be enough for you and this is something that’s taken me far too long to realise in the past. Over the years I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to figure out where I was going wrong, but I didn’t see that the problem has never been with me the problem was actually with you, with all of you.

Finally, now I know, that when you find the right person you don’t need to force anything or give too much before you’re ready; and you won’t feel like you need to surrender every ounce of your being to make it work because you don’t need to sacrifice living your own life to make someone else happy.

I’ve learned that no matter what I give or how hard I fight if you aren’t both willing it’s simply a waste of time. I’ve learned that you can never reason with someone who doesn’t understand compromise or the importance of other people’s opinions and that trying to do so only makes you feel like your views don’t matter, but they do.

I’m learning that the right person will accept all of me, they will listen to my opinions instead of trying to twist them into their own and they won’t try to control me, mould me or make me feel ashamed of a single thing.

I know now that I shouldn’t need to question your agenda and that you weren’t right for me from the moment you failed to make your intentions clear.

Most of all I’ve learned that I don’t have to fix anyone and that fixing any of you is not my job.

I am not responsible for your loss, your rejection or your past and it’s not down to me to build you up to be the person who you want to be, that’s your job. All I can do is love you, be a good friend and share memories with you; I can listen and advise I can support and I can be there for you, but I cannot fix you. Over the years I’ve lost count of the number of times that I have tried to heal another and become broken myself in the process. I am truly sorry for the pain you feel and the battles you are facing right now, but please don’t misread my kindness and try to use it as a bandage to heal or cover your wounds.<b?

I’ve had to learn the hard way but now I know how to forgive and let go because forgiving doesn’t mean you have to hold on. Holding on for too long only messes with new opportunities that are coming for you, and to be honest I live for these now. These are what keeps me going because I know something better is always waiting when I’m ready for it. So now I won’t give any part of me unless I find someone humble enough to meet me halfway.

This year I’m going to put myself first and I’m going to walk away when something isn’t right, this year instead of trying to fix you I’m going to focus on myself.

Because I deserve someone who’s real and it doesn’t matter anymore that you weren’t capable of loving me because I know I am, and so, for now, I’ll just love myself and I’ll wait for what I deserve. TC mark

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