You Are Allowed To Miss Them (But You Still Must Let Them Go)

Bailey Foster
Bailey Foster

It was one simple object. The second it left my house I felt relief and pain all in the same instant. It was my last thing that was tying me to him and letting it go had been what was best for me.

Still, the moments before I had to get rid of it, I held it as tightly as could. I clung to the relationship that never fully formed and the love that will never blossom. I held it tightly to my chest wondering what went wrong and what could have been done to salvage this. The truth was there was nothing that could have been done differently.

Things often work out the way they’re supposed too even if it’s not the way we had imagined. We often block out our gut and listen to our heart when it tells us to leap blindly. We leap hoping that this time our fall will be broken by someone willing to take that exact same jump. So when they stand still, afraid to do what you just did, you feel like a fool.

We take chances from time to time that just don’t work out. Does that mean we stop? No. It means that next time we’re a little more selective, a little more educated on what’s worth it and what’s not. As painful as it is to lose something you love, it’s even more painful to love someone who just doesn’t love you back.

All you really deserve is the honesty it takes to move on from this.

You can’t call yourself a fool for loving someone. You can’t believe that you’re a terrible person because it didn’t work out. You can’t be mad at yourself because late at night, you still miss them. You miss their smell. You miss their arms wrapped around you. You miss their incredibly dorky jokes that made you laugh more than anything. You just miss them and that’s OK.

We’re taught that it’s weak to be sad for long periods of time about losing something we truly cared about. We’re taught that we need to pick up the pieces and find something else to fill our time. We’re taught that in order to get over someone, getting under someone new is the best case scenario. Then we beat ourselves up about that.

Whatever it is you do to heal yourself is your choice. You deserve to do whatever self-care you need in order to find your happiness again. Happiness doesn’t come without pain so it’s all about deciding what YOU think is worth it. No one else can tell you what you need to be happy. We ask for everyone else’s opinions on what we should do because the truth is we’re scared of the judgments that we face if we do what we want.

For me, it was holding on to an object way too long. It was thinking about smashing it while also cradling it in my arms like a baby. It was keeping it hidden in the closet but knowing it was in there, taunting me about a relationship I still wanted more than anything.

As that object left my house, I wanted it gone so that I could finally start picking up the pieces. I could finally start looking forward to the future because without my person, I needed to figure out how to get my shit together.

There are so many things you can do to get over someone. Surround yourself with amazing friends (my favorite). Do the things you love. Eat ice cream and cry. Smash everything that reminds you of them. It’s your choice fully.

Take care of you in those moments of sadness but don’t suppress them. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to miss them. You are so allowed to heal at your own rate. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Alexandria Brown is the author of The Single Girl’s Guide To Living And Laughing (And Sometimes Loving), available here.

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