My love life has been anything but easy. As someone who loves hard that means I also fall hard. I know I’m intense and I know that often times someone cannot reciprocate the same intensity. But that doesn’t stop me from trying because the day I stop trying is a day worse than death.
I constantly thought that I was hard to love or that I wasn’t deserving of love because I wasn’t enough but I’ve learned that’s not true. I have issues I still need to work on but I don’t need another person to heal those in me because I can heal those myself. I don’t need someone to fix me because I’m working on fixing myself. Recently I’ve been through some shit but it doesn’t snuff my spirit. Nothing can ever do that because that would mean that I’ve given up on myself.
Things don’t work out all the time whether it’s a new career, relationship or even with friends and that’s okay. That’s okay because the reason things don’t work out is because in some ways it wasn’t right for you in the first place. Whether its fear or anxiety or any other outside factors, sometimes things just weren’t meant to be.
I fought a long hard fight trying to keep things together that aren’t supposed to be and I don’t regret one single second of it. There was no good or bad just something that needed to end and it did. It did and it sucked. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I didn’t feel every ounce of pain that come along with endings. But you have to feel pain in order to know what joy is.
I may have lost this round but ultimately I’ve won. I’ve won because I’ve learned things that I wouldn’t have learned without these hard lessons. I’ve learned my true strength and power. I’ve learned that I can rely on myself to get me through the muddy waters and that
I know what love is because I’m surrounded by people who love and accept me. People who have taught me what it truly means to love all of your faults. They continue to support me and care for me when I’m at my worst. I owe a lot to these people and they know that I’m always going to give them my all; head, heart and soul.
Nobody ever told me that love was hard but no one ever told me it was easy either. We go through tests in our lives to help us define our character and who we’re meant to be. I will always be the person who forgives and lives with no judgements on others because that’s the way I want others to treat me. We will eventually all be able to free ourselves from all the pain we hold on to. I know it because I’ve lived it.
I still have a lot of work to do and new issues that pop up in my life all the time. These issues I will continue to look at as lessons because I have to keep learning in order to keep growing. My advice to you is to always forgive, always learn and always love. Even if those three things are difficult, keep doing them. You will find your true happiness because I know I eventually did.