1. Put him on a pedestal. Forget about the fact that he has a higher BAC than GPA most of the time. Forget about the fact that he has commitment issues and sleeps on sheets patterned with hula dancers and that he has bad taste in music. Only focus on the good things about him because that way you’ll never fall out of love with him.
2. Go out of your way to be there for him. Stay up all night helping him study for an exam when you have your own that you need to study for the next day. Pick him up at 2 am when he’s drunk and need a ride home. Continue this until he loves you back.
3. Sleep with him while both of you are black out drunk and not remember a thing. Because that’s the only way either of you will initiate it. But it’s better than nothing, right?
4. Have him be the last person you think of before you fall asleep at night. Every night. Think about everything you guys talked about that day and every day since you met him. Dream about him. Wake up. Repeat.
5. Inadvertently ruin every relationship with everyone else because of him. Compare your new boyfriend to him. Take note that he doesn’t make you laugh as hard as your friend. Or that his eyes don’t do that same thing when he smiles. That thing where if you covered the rest of his face up you could still tell his eyes are smiling. Think about this as you fall asleep next to your new guy and feel like he’s invading your personal space and your thoughts as he spoons you.
6. Go out of your way to be nice to his new girlfriend when he introduces you to her. Buy her a drink. Tell her how much he’s told you about her (even though he still hasn’t brought her up and the only way you even knew she existed was because of social media). Never talk about her after you meet her that one time. Never talk about your boyfriend, either. Talking about your relationship status is weird for some reason. Until you’re both drunk and about to hook up and you convince each other that you’re single.
7. Google “Signs my guy friend likes me as more than a friend”. Brush off the fact that only 2 out of the 10 signs are true for you. Let those 20% odds be enough to keep you holding on.
8. Over-analyze everything he does. He texted you at 3 am when he was out with his friends? Must mean he’s thinking about you. He fixed his socks while talking about you? Wait a minute…I saw that on that list of “Signs my guy friend likes me as more than a friend”. Shit he loves me!
9. Watch a lot of TV shows/movies where two friends end up falling in love and living happily ever after. I’m looking at you, Jim and Pam Halpert.
10. Leave yourself with no way of getting over him. Plan out your schedules for next semester together so you have all of the same classes. You can’t get over him if you still see him every day. Better luck next semester!
11. Make up excuses for why he hasn’t asked you out yet. He doesn’t see you that way because you had a boyfriend when you first met. His psycho ex scared him off girls. If you lose 10 lbs he’ll realize what’s been right in front of him this whole time and he’ll hit himself for not seeing it sooner and you’ll ride off into the sunset on a big white horse.
11. Waste a lot of time waiting. Because you’ve already waited this long and giving up on it now would mean coming to terms with the fact that it may never happen. And that thought is downright terrifying.