People Are Not Meant to Heal You And 16 Other Things You Need To Realize If You Want A Real Relationship

People Are Not Meant to Heal You And 16 Other Things You Need To Realize If You Want A Real Relationship

1. People are not a one-stop shop for when you get your hearts bruised or get your hopes crushed. People are not meant to heal you. No one is. People are not supposed to do the healing for you. They can help you; they can show you the way; they can be an inspiration; they can love you; they can be an instrument; they can guide you. But you are supposed to do the healing on your own. When you heal yourself, that’s when you know real healing takes place – when you don’t need or require anyone’s presence for you to be okay. People are not meant to heal you. They are meant to come into your life to show you the value of things you used to overlook before.

2. It is far more important to understand yourself than to be understood. If you want a real relationship to transpire in your life, you have to understand yourself first. Don’t go looking for someone to understand and see through you. Show up for yourself first and foremost. Know yourself better by spending time alone and understanding what it is that you’re into and are not a fan of. Sometimes securing a relationship comes easy when you know how to enjoy your own company. Because if you don’t, who else will?

3. Be honest with yourself. You have to sit down with your truest self and talk to him/her in the most honest way. Sometimes we deny ourselves the truth because we can’t handle the authenticity and the rawness of it. But would we rather hear the truth from someone else? Face it now so you won’t have to face it later.

4. Follow your heart. You will never regret it. Sometimes in life, we have to get our hearts broken to know what it’s like to be alive, humble and grateful for things that we may have seemed to overlook before. From what I’ve learnt, you will never regret following what your heart is saying even if things don’t work out the way you originally planned them to. Follow it anyway. What you feel and believe in your heart will always be stronger than what anyone else says. Sometimes it’s best to love well when you are given the opportunity to, and let go when you know that it’s over and that you already have to.

5. Leave all your emotional baggage behind but keep the lessons with you. Sometimes we are so afraid to enter a new relationship despite how attracted to or how seemingly happy we may be with another, or how good of a match we are to somebody, because we still have some sort of baggage that we are carrying. In short, we haven’t healed that part of ourselves yet. While it is understandable that what happened in the past is a part of our story, it is also best if we leave those things behind so we can start anew. Keep in mind that those things that happened in the past don’t define us anymore and our next relationship will only be as healthy as our emotional trunks are empty. Start with a clean slate. You deserve it.

6. But also don’t let anyone rush you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking your time. If you meet someone amazing and you found out that you’re not yet ready, it’s okay. They can wait. If they can’t, focus on yourself until the right one comes along. Leaving things and people who don’t resonate anymore behind is easier said than done, so just take your time.

7. You don’t have to force anything at all. What’s meant for you will come find you. Just like all things, each has its own frequency and vibe. Relationships are the very least thing that need to be forced or that need forcing. Although they usually come with struggles and hardships, they should also come easy and light. With the right person, nothing will feel like a chore nor a responsibility.

8. If something still bothers and triggers you, you need to heal it. It doesn’t involve anyone else but you. Do the internal work. Don’t seek closure. Find peace in knowing that you are meant to be where you are right now and you actually have everything you need to move forward. Do it even if it means taking time away and off of everyone for a while. It’s a necessity if you are determined to consciously march on with your life.

9. Don’t be so glued to what was and get too anxious about what will be that you miss out on the good part – what is.

10. Trust is a luxury. Relationships cannot breathe without trust. If you are getting into a relationship with someone, make sure they’re somebody you trust more than they’re somebody you love.

11. Be secure about yourself. When you’re secure about yourself and you know your intentions are pure, you don’t need others to validate anything for you. You know what you can bring to the table. But when you have an agenda that’s not based on love, and you are not sure about yourself, you are merely asking for attention. The most important thing is to work on yourself while you are single – your path, your life, without having to worry about what others are up to. They have their own path to figure out. The right people for you will always gravitate their way towards you. The people who don’t resonate have to go.

12. Don’t let old memories keep you from making new ones.

13.  Love shouldn’t come as a threat if you’re healed. Love is so simple yet very powerful and beautiful yet a lot of people are projecting it to be as something that it isn’t. It’s all about appreciating another without feeling the need to change them in any way in the present. Love them for who they are right now, not for their potential. Love without feeling attached. Love wholeheartedly. Love for the sake of loving, not for the sake of getting into a relationship.

14. Love yourself wholeheartedly and genuinely. The relationship you have with yourself is by far the most important relationship you will ever have in your entire life. Pour yourself some unconditional and legitimate love. The love you have for yourself will determine all the other relationships you will have. Fill yourself with self-love – even if that means owning up to your mistakes, and your own shit. Heal yourself as many times as you need to. And then find that someone who will complement, not complete, the love you’ve already established within. Loving thyself is more than just buying yourself presents and giving yourself rewards and acknowledging your own achievements. It’s more about facing uncomfortable truths about yourself and dealing with your own worries, troubles and traumas in life. Sometimes it’s recognizing your own insecurities and making the decision to deal with them, instead of projecting them onto others. Sometimes it’s taking a moment to pause and recognizing that you’re being absurd and it has to change.

15. Establish healthy boundaries. Don’t take anyone for granted. Cherish what’s in front of you right now. Everything is impermanent and we are not going to be here forever.

16. Yes, you deserve the best and you deserve to be happy. But check yourself before you wreck yourself. Sometimes you have to check in with yourself and see if you are someone worthy of actually committing to. Don’t go looking around for someone feeling so entitled and wearing this on your sleeve, “I deserve only the best”, but refuse to acknowledge your own shortcomings. I believe that in this lifetime, we attract what we are, not what we look for.

17. Someone out there is deserving of you – the wholeness of you. But first, you have to be whole by yourself. You need to feel complete and whole by yourself. I hope you find and feel wholeness and home within yourself. So when it’s about time to share your love with another, you will never run out. Because you, yourself are love. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Alessandra Nicasio