Recently I’ve noticed a wave of break-ups among my friends… long term relationships falling to the wayside left and right. Maybe it’s because the snow is finally clearing and the April downpours are loosening up the residual clinging bred by the holiday season, and you can almost, almost smell summer off in the distance. Either way, I have a lot of friends who are now finding themselves facing a summer/indefinite time alone for the first time in a long long while. And like all things in life, that takes a certain period of adjustment, shall we say.
So, in light of this fact, I’d just like to send a message out there to all the beautiful women who right now may be feeling alone, rejected, sad, afraid, angry, or any combination of the aforementioned. That feeling like you just got kicked in the stomach and you’re also going to vomit and your heart might explode and you can’t even find your thoughts and you feel your eyes brimming with tears all at the same time?
Yes, pure unadulterated heartbreak; this is for you.
First, I would like you to know that by “beautiful” I don’t just mean on the surface here, I mean you are beautiful in that you have a big big heart and a lot to offer as human being. You are willing and open to giving love and putting someone else’s needs before your own. This, being able to expose yourself to vulnerability by opening yourself up to love, overcoming fear for the sake of making another person happy, this makes you pretty darn beautiful.
You may not be perfect, and there may have been things you wish you could’ve or should’ve done differently in your past, or presently fading, relationship, but I’m here to remind you that right now you have probably lost sight of how great you are because this one person who you invested in, and trusted, has either turned his back on you, overlooked you, took you for granted, or is not the right person for you. But his failure to see you, or treat you, like you deserve, or your incompatibility, is not the cap of your worth. Please do not conflate the failure of your relationship with your own self-worth.
In any case, and whatever the reason for the dissolution of your relationship, even if you were partially at fault, even if you still find yourself yearning for his validation… you must remember that you will survive. You will be fine. No, you will be great. You lived your entire life (most of it at least) without him. Yes, there once was a time when you didn’t need him at all! You will get back to that place, maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will be much sooner than you think.
Either he missed out on the future you both could have shared, or he did you a favor because now you can be with someone who really gets you, who really wants you, who can’t go another second without being with you, or knowing how you are, or missing you, or wanting to hold you close as soon as humanly possible and for as long logistically plausible. There will be someone that will open up to you in ways you never thought possible, that exceeded your expectations even beyond those of the last guy. Yes, right now you might miss the way he did this or that, but that’s because you haven’t seen what is still to come. And as long as you don’t forget how deserving of these amazing things you are, and how rewarding it is to bring that happiness to another person, it will undoubtedly come.
Never, ever settle. “They say” that true love is a love worth fighting for. But that’s a double-edged sword if I’ve ever seen one. Yes, you should fight for true love, but if it’s true love it shouldn’t put up that much of a fight, or throw a temper tantrum, or not care about how things make you feel, or how things affect you. True love knows it is true love, it doesn’t take convincing and it shouldn’t let anything get in its way. If anyone says otherwise, he or she is making excuses, and maybe can’t comprehend how fortunate they truly are when they find something even similar to that kind of love, and it is for that person that you should feel sad for, not for yourself.
For now, don’t feel ashamed to let it all out. Mourn over your loss of what could’ve been, what was promised to you, and the trust you built, as you should and are entitled to. Ride out the initial waves of sadness and disappointment, the sting of opening yourself to another person in a unique and extremely vulnerable way. But remember, do not forget, that despite this present burn you are still the one worth fighting for, in every case, and you always were. You are beautiful and you are brave, because love is terrifying, but it is worth fighting for. So carry on. Apparently, Mother Theresa once said, “If you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, there can be only love.” So the answer is not to stop loving, it is to keep loving, just in another direction.