1. PISCES

When someone crosses you, they’d better make the sign of the cross, because they’ve just summoned the wrath of God. You will murder them if you can get away with it. Failing that, you’ll go for manslaughter. You strike hard and often—and it’s direct rather than sneaky. Your wounded pride never heals until you’ve inflicted fatal wounds on your assailant.

2. ARIES

Once wronged, your revenge will be immediate and decisive. Your revenge is hotter than a pistol that’s just been fired. Hotter than a vat of boiling grease thrown in your enemy’s face. You don’t have the patience nor the time to plot revenge. Like a thousand suns exploding, there will be anger and threats and broken windows. Then, as quickly as it started, you’ll stop.

3. LEO

When it comes to revenge, you follow a scorched-earth policy. Your antagonist will be dead to you, Mafia-style. You will eventually give them the cold shoulder, but not before they get a full blast of your hot temper.
Your revenge will be so complete, they won’t even want their forgiveness or friendship. They won’t even feel bad for what they did in the first place. They’ll just want to avoid you at all costs, even crossing the street when they see you.

4. GEMINI

Being the unpredictable schizo that you are, you can go either way. You’re never lukewarm, never both hot and cold—you’re either all the way hot or all the way cold. You will either punch them in the face or never speak to them again. But if you do speak to them, it will consist of the harshest and meanest and cruelest words your lips will summon, designed to break the spirit and crush the will of the person who was stupid enough to get you angry.

5. SCORPIO

You are easily the most vengeful sign, but you serve up your revenge on both hot and cold plates. You say believe in karma, which is just a dishonest way of saying “revenge” and pretending that forces bigger than you are carrying it out. You are not above hot rage and cold cruelty—in fact, you think they complement each other. Your poisonous sting leaves no room for forgiveness—only complete destruction.

6. CAPRICORN

You start off cold and calculated, but you get hotter as your revenge scheme gets more and more elaborate. You go from deliberate to unhinged once your plan is in motion. Rather than a direct, full-on burst of molten-lava rage, you’re more likely to rally the troops against your target, ostracism them and assassinating their character. You lash out with hot anger but take cold satisfaction in their pain. Once you shut the door on someone, it’s closed forever.

7. SAGITTARIUS

You don’t dwell. You don’t even linger. You get over things very quickly. You’re never hot, but then again, you’re not even that cold. You have better things to do than indulge infantile revenge fantasies. At worst, maybe you’ll make a prank call against them. Or set up a fake social media account and leave snarky comments on their Facebook. Mostly, you just stay away and let them decide to feel guilty and bad about what they did. You remove yourself from the situation. Your way of getting “even” is getting away.

8. AQUARIUS

You’re never aggressive—only passive-aggressive. You will take time to plan your revenge, which mostly involves refusing to forgive them. Your revenge is not immediate. It’s much more deliberate. And cruel. It’s war on the installment plan. And right at the perfect moment, you stick in the knife.

9. VIRGO

You are very sneaky about revenge. It involves tire-slashing. False rumors. Hell, even false criminal charges. Not violence or screaming or throwing things. You will strike when they think you’ve cooled down, when you least expect it. And you are extremely careful not to leave fingerprints. In keeping with your name, you will look as innocent as a virgin.

10. LIBRA

You take a passive glee in making your enemy feel guilty and humble and prostrate and submissive. But even your “revenge” is tepid and indirect. Rather than have them beg for your forgiveness, you’ll make them pay restitution to a third party. You carry the hate around rather than purge it by smashing them in the head with a vase. So if you’re cold, it’s only toward yourself. So you’re not the coldest because your revenge is almost totally directed inward.

11. TAURUS

Usually, you’re pretty chill—until someone steps on your toes, at which point you’re frozen. You will get angry, but you won’t let your enemy see it. Instead, you’ll wait…and wait…and wait…and then plunge the knife in them, laughing as they twist on it.

12. CANCER

You are cold as ice—you’re willing to sacrifice love, or friendship, or even a business relationship when you feel someone has crossed the line with you. You not only hold a grudge—you bench-press it. And you will make sure your enemy suffers, but you will also wait until they aren’t looking. And once you strike, it will be like your carcinogenic namesake—it will spread and metastasize and eat them alive.