You know you are not worth an explanation when you don’t get one.
You sat at the edge of your bed, clutching your phone, waiting for a text from him. It wasn’t just that day. You’ve been waiting for days, even weeks for him to get back to you. For him to give you an explanation, or at the very least, a sign that it is really over. But nope, nothing. Not a hint, a sign, much less an explanation. So you wait, and wait, until you have to assume for yourself that it is over.
How does that make you feel? How does it feel to not be worth it to someone? To not be worth even an explanation on why things turned out the way it did?
Sure, you have accepted that things have ended, and that the both of you are never going to be able to work things out again. But why can’t things ended nicely? Why can’t they provide an explanation for you to have closure? Why do they have to leave things hanging?
I don’t have an explanation or a reason for why he did what he did. All I know is that, I wasn’t worth an explanation to him. I tried to work things out but he wasn’t even trying. He doesn’t even give a damn for my feelings, so why was I surprised that he doesn’t even give an explanation?
He just walked out of my life, leaving me dumbfounded, leaving me lost, leaving me out of control of my own emotions. When he leaves without an explanation, that’s when your self-esteem hits low. That’s when you began to doubt everything you thought you know, everyone you thought you trust.
You realised you weren’t worth the truth. Yes, the truth hurts. Yes, he may have decided to be with some other girl. Yes, he may have cheated on you. Yes, he may have lost feelings for you. But, he didn’t tell you any of that. There wasn’t even an excuse, not even a lie like, “It wasn’t you, it’s me”. But no, the worst part is, not only are you not worth the truth, you wasn’t even worth a lie. How is that supposed to make you feel?
How does it feel to not be worth an explanation? It feels horrible. It feels devastating, you feel repulsive about yourself that someone like you wasn’t even worth a reason. You fought hard with yourself to get closure, but it is hard cause there wasn’t a proper reason for the closure. But you fight through the pain anyway, because that’s what you do when you are not worth an explanation.
You have the right to leave someone. But at least let them know, because the only thing worse than being left is being left without an explanation.